3 Guys and A Girl

Exhaustion

2012-01-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get to the place of sheer and utter exhaustion? Where you feel like you are being pulled in 12 different directions and have so many projects unfinished and so much on your calendar? I feel that way. I'm not sure whether its truly because I've got too much going on or that I'm just completely emotionally drained. I need to be refreshed. I need to be filled up again. I think I need to take Matthew 6:34 to heart. It says "Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Now y'all I'm gonna get a little southern here for a minute but ain't that the truth? Every day for the last week (at the very least) something has either happened or not happened that wasn't good or right. I am finding that I am worrying (once again in that old pattern) over the future when I'm barely hanging on to today. I need to snap it back and set my mind on the truth and the real. (Phil 4:8) I need to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
I watched Lysa Terkeurst's "Made to Crave" live webcast tonight and something that she said struck me hard. She asked "are you physically hungry or soul hungry?" My thoughts tonight is am I physically tired or soul tired? I think I'm both to be completely honest. But what is going to satisfy that hunger and tiredness? Only God can. I'm going to be meditating on God's peace tonight (see my post from last night) and focusing on what is true and real. And I'm asking God to rain down that peace and refreshment tonight as I sleep so that I wake up tomorrow ready to face the day, ready to take on whatever things get thrown our way. Tonight through my exhaustion and soul hunger/tiredness, I have hope and I have promises from God that I can cling to.

What If We Were Real

2012-01-08T20:23:00.001-08:00

What If We Were Real

At Christmas my kids were given itunes gift cards and so while searching for appropriate songs for them, I found out that Mandisa’s album “What If We Were Real” was on sale. I love her music so I bought it. Klove has been out around here for a bit now so I’ve literally played this album in the car over and over! It is so uplifting and the songs have a great beat. So maybe that’s why when I was pondering over some things this morning God impressed John 16:33 upon my heart. It says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

There are so many situations (some mine, some friends, and some community) that I haven’t been able to get out of my head. You know the kind of conversations you replay in your head over and over and come up with things you should have said or done at the time. Those are the kind of things I’ve been replaying in my mind lately. I always second guess myself and my guess is that other people do too. Recently I was facebook messaging a very sweet lady that I’m getting to know and she unloaded her stress, frustration, and doubts to me. Then she immediately apologized. She said she was sure she had scared me off. I haven’t been able to let that conversation get out of my head because I just don’t understand why it isn’t okay to really let people in, really let them know who we are and what we are struggling with. Maybe when people ask the question “How are you?” instead of looking for the pat, politically correct answer of “good and you?” We should listen to how the other person really is. Otherwise I don’t think we should ask. But I think more than ever that we as Christians have to stand up and show that we care about other people, and that we aren’t just wrapped up in our own little lives.

Many of my friends are facing difficulties and they range from anywhere as “my husband is delayed” to our whole lives are changing and how do we prepare for it. And yes in some cases there isn’t anything I can physically do other than listen and PRAY. I think that those two things matter more than anything in the world because they show love, compassion, and action. So I wonder what would happen if we stopped, asked the hard question of “how are you?” and really wanted to know the answer. Really cared enough to listen and take action.

I think maybe God put John 16:33 on my heart this morning because He in his infinite wisdom knew that I would need the reminder that He is in control, the battle is already won, and that I could carry on His love, compassion, and action with peace. I think that He wanted me to realize that listening to other’s struggles isn’t going to weigh me down or burden me because He already is taking that burden and He is giving me peace about it. I can show God’s love by letting the people around me know that I am here. I really want to know how you are. And yes, I will take action, by petitioning God on your behalf and stepping up to help if I can.

So how about we all start being real? That we all stop being afraid to show who we are and what is going on inside. That we show that regardless of the storm, God is in control and that He working in our lives. Maybe if we were real more people would see God working in the details.

Today Pastor Roy taught on fighting the good fight. He said our challenge is to “Fight well for the right thing in the right way with the right motive.” He also said that “In a broken world, there are times to fight so that there may be peace.” I think for me that fighting the good fight is being real, showing God’s love, and pointing those who are scared to be real in His direction.

I wonder, how are you going to be real?

Looking Forward to 2012

2011-12-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

I'm in a very reflective mood today! I know it's been 5 months since I last posted but truly it has been a whirlwind of a year. I woke up thinking about all there was for me to do and I could feel the panic start to creep in. But I realized that what I need more than anything is to breathe and count the blessings God has given us this year. Last year at this time I was floating on cloud 9. We had gotten some much needed news and we were ready to begin a new year. But that's where things got a little crazy. And life stayed that way, on the fast track, crazy, and feeling as if nothing got done that needed to be done. However, in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty of this year, God showed up so big that there left no room for doubt. This Carpenter clan has another major year ahead of us. We will be transitioning out of the military, we will be finding a new place to live, jobs. Ian will be starting college. 2012 is going to be a big, crazy, scary year for us, but God showed up so big in 2011 that I know He is going to be right there in the middle of our crazy 2012. I'm scared, nervous, anxious. If I said I wasn't a little of each of those things I'd be lying. But I'm also excited to see how God is going to work things out for us. We do covet your prayers for this year. Knowing that we are being covered prayerfully will give me reassurance that we aren't facing this year alone. So here's to new, uncharted territory and looking forward to what God's up to in 2012!

Jaxon and MacGyver

2011-07-06T10:31:00.000-07:00

The theme song to the old tv show MacGyver is now permanently stuck in my head. Thanks in part to Netflix. Ian's been watching it on Netflix a lot lately and Jaxon LOVES this show. I mean not just a little bit but like LOVES LOVES LOVES this show. He forgoes cartoons, playing with toys, playing the wii, and eating to watch this show. He finds it utterly fascinating. I'm so not kidding. So this morning when Ian got up, Lego Star Wars was turned off and MacGyver was turned on. This is the picture that I caught in my living room th is morning. All my boys (Brennan, Ian, Jaxon, Grandpa Chuck, and even Logan) were in the living room watching the show.

On our way to Brian's 4th of July Party on Monday we saw one of Ian's coworkers from Sams. His name is David. Super nice guy. As he was crossing the street Jaxon yells out "Dad, your friend looks like MacGyver." The sad part is Jaxon was totally on the money. So now David has a new nickname.

Jaxon's loves MacGyver so much that we keep finding random swiss army knives that we've had around the house in his bedroom. Now we have to hide them. I'm not sure a 4 year old really needs a swiss army knife but OMG Jaxon thinks he does. You'd think we'd taken away his bike or something. Anyway, I just had to capture 4 generations of Carpenter boys and the show that brings my boys together!
I <3 them!

Blogging and Stuff

2011-07-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

I used to blog all the time. I tried to post something every day. I just realized how very much I miss it. LOL I know it's crazy. I would read my favorite blogs, participate in random meme's, and most of all I would write my thoughts, feelings, and post pictures of my crazy, adorable family. Yep, I miss that. So I'm going to try to work on getting back on the horse, so to speak.

So what have I been up to? Well, my mother in law was in town recently... twice. And my father in law is currently in transit from the airport to my house with my hubby. I have been doing a lot of reading lately. Joined a book club and am really enjoying it. Just finished My Sister's Keeper and I loved it. I cried like a baby.

I've been teaching coupon classes. I mean seriously who knew right! Saving money is so much fun and I absolutely love teaching. :) I really enjoy getting to meet new people. I'm finding my niche in this little coupon thing and it's pretty exciting.

Brennan finished 4th grade and his first year as a Webelos Cub Scout. Next week he will be taking his very first trip without me or Ian. He is going with my father in law when he leaves and will be spending some time with his grandparents. He is sooo excited and Mama not so much. I may need to be heavily sedated next Monday. Anyone have any xanax? LOL! Just Kidding... I think.

Jaxon is... well he is Jaxon. Getting into everything, thinking he is older than he is, and stubborn as can be! I mean here we are 3 months before his 5th birthday and we still haven't figured out this potty training thing! Geez, I'm starting to think he will never go to school at this rate. But he is the most thoughtful, amazing little 4 year old boy in the whole world. Randomly he runs up to me and says I love you Mommy. Melts my heart. He just got tubes put back in his ears for the second time last week.

Ooops, Ian just got home with his dad. Guess I better run and spend some time with the fam. My kids are so excited to see their grandpa!

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner

2011-06-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received the book Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner by Wendy Blight. I signed up to do this Bible Study through Melissa Taylor's blog a while ago. The study just started a week ago and there are almost 3200 ladies signed up wanting healing. The book chronicles Wendy's rape and how she went to God for answers on why she had to go through this and her journey to heal. It's not just her story though. She uses her story to show us that we can be real with God and take the hardest most difficult parts of our selves to Him. Some may be thinking why on earth would you want to relive that or deal with a situation that is so painful. The answer isn't as simple as I'd like it to be but I never healed from the abuse that was inflicted on me as a child in so many ways. I simply stuffed it down and covered it up. I pretended that it never happened. Unfortunately, even so many years later, it's haunting me. It's in my head, my heart, it's in the way I interact with my husband, my children, my friends. In the past year this has come back so fiercely that I have honest to goodness physical pain from the fear, anxiety, and memories. It's time to let that go. It's time to face it and move past it. And the only way I can do that is by letting God have it and allowing Him to guide me through it. Melissa wrote this poem/prayer on her blog this last week and I love it so much I want to share it here.
“We put up a wall,

won’t let anyone in.

Oh what would they think

if they knew of my sin?

That wall has to crumble,

let it fall piece by piece.

Break free from this cycle

into the Savior’s sweet release.”

Cleaning House and The Spoon Theory

2011-04-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today a good friend of mine commented that I am always cleaning my house and that she only cleans once a week and was curious why that was. I sat thinking about this for a while and honestly I started to beat myself up. Why do I have a house that is constantly needing cleaning? Why can't I just clean one day a week and be done till next week? But honestly there are several reasons. For one, I live with 2 boys, one man, and one male dog. I think they forget that I'm not their maid and leave messes wherever they trail through the house and do not bother to pick up socks, toys, wrappers and what not as they leave. The second main reason I have to clean is that I simply, physically, can not clean my entire house in one day. Between the fibromyalgia and the miniers, I have energy first thing in the morning and once it's used up, it's gone completely till the next day. I have to do laundry and dishes daily. The other day I decided I would clean the wood floors in my house. I got them all swept and mopped and after that I was in so much pain that I had to rest. My energy comes and goes and I have to use it wisely. My house is not filthy and never will be. But don't be suprised if you come by my house at any given time and there are toys everywhere, and dog hair on the couches, or laundry piled on my kitchen table. My methods and life are different from yours and I'm okay with that. I have a hard time explaining to people about this. Often I get "well if you just do this, then you will feel better." What they don't understand because they aren't in my shoes is that it isn't always so simple. My point in writing this isn't to make anyone feel sorry or to say that I'm upset. I'm simply writing because it was in my head and it will keep me up all night if I don't. I came across a website called http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/ a while ago and it explained perfectly what it is like to live with a chronic illness. I would love to repost it in it's entirety but it's copy righted. So please if you are curious about what it's like read it. And remember that when I spend time with you, you have one of my spoons. :)

Some Highlights from 2010

2010-12-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

This year was hard. Harder than when we left everything we knew and moved 2000 miles away to Utah. I would absolutely not like to relive this year again, BUT we had some big things happen and I learned alot. We moved into a new house on base at the beginning of this year. We found out we had orders to Dover AFB, Delaware. Brennan turned 9 and we celebrated at Fat Cats in Ogden. I saw many many doctors who still can't tell me exactly what is causing all the problems. I met and got to know some amazing people who I pray stay in my life forever. Jaxon was put in the hospital for a lot of tests due to his bathroom issues. I pray that I never have to relive that again. It was awful! We found out our orders were cancelled. Talk about an emotional roller coaster!
I turned 30! It wasn't so bad. Brennan started 4th grade and it may be the death of me. :) Sue came to visit in September. We did some hiking (my first time ever). Brennan started Cub Scouts as a Webelos. We went to our first pack meeting and family camp with the scouts. I didn't spend the night but Ian and Sue did. They had quite the adventure with the sprinklers coming on right when they were going to bed. Jaxon turned 4 and we celebrated at the Classic Fun Center with all of his little friends (and a few of mine:)).
Ian had some major things going on at work that left us wondering where life was going to take us and how we were going to get there! I FINALLY got to finish the Believing God Bible study that I started and didn't get to finish back in 2005 because we moved to Utah. I joined the military go group from our church and those ladies prayed me through the hardest part of the year. I am truly grateful.
Ian and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. Well we didn't actually celebrate it because so much was going on but it was a milestone! God showed up so big this year in our family that I can't even begin to imagine how He worked it all out. Ian has been diagnosed with complex sleep apnea and we are currently waiting to see how they are going to be able to treat him for two different types. Especially when the one thing they were going to do helps one of the types and makes the other worse. We are gonna be praying through this one too! :)

Some things I am so thankful for as we begin 2011 is my husband, Ian. No matter how hard things got this year or no matter if we butted heads, he was there. He worked hard and he showed me that our family is strong. I love you honey! My two boys! I pray that they know how much I love them and how they are the reason I get out of bed every morning. My church family. You all walked in my life between 2006 and now and I love you guys more than words can say. I am also thankful for my friends. I wouldn't have gotten through 2010 without you. And the most important thing that I am thankful for and that I learned, is how to truly trust God. There were moments and days, perhaps even weeks, that I didn't know if I would make it. But God showed up and held me up, telling me that it was okay to relinquish control because HE has this. For the amazing grace that He shows me daily, I will continue to be in awe. 2010 wasn't the best year ever but it was a milestone year in so many aspects and for that I will praise my Father in heaven.

I pray that you have peace and know the love our Father has for each and every person this year. Happy New Year!

Happy Moments; Praise God!
Difficult Moments; Seek God!
Quiet Moments; Worship God!
Painful Moments; Trust God!
Every Moment; Thank God!

Hardly anyone ever reads this

2010-12-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

But the one day I am on the edge of losing it, EVERYONE reads it. What are the stinking odds of that? Anyway, today I got to drive to the other end of the world, Eagle Mountain :) and visit with my friend Stephanie. We had lunch at the cheesecake factory and then went to Lifeway. I was able to get a copy of Elizabeth George's Loving God With All Your Mind and I've already started reading it. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts from going down the dark path. A few things that stuck out to me that she writes is:

* "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what I or others may think about me. (Psalm 139:14)" Let me tell how thankful I am for that reminder. I am the first to beat myself to a pulp with things I do. Then I beat myself to a bloody pulp with things other people tell me I am or did. Eventually that has to stop. I'm thinking now is the time. If God can forgive me, I should be able to also.

*"He has a grand plan :: and before anyone says it yes I know I said I'm sick of hearing this, but when God tells you, you kind of have to listen, right?:: and purpose for my life, no matter how the present may look (2 Timoth 1:9)."

*"He has given me spiritual gifts that I can use to benefit other believers, no matter how I may be floundering or failing at the moment (1 Corinthians 12:7-11)." Yep, this one speaks to me too.

*And the one that left me in puddles today "I am always loved and accepted by God, no matter what I experience or who may reject me (Romans 8:35)" I needed this word today.

The other positive that happened today that can only be a "God thing" is that I recieved a very sweet note in the mail today that should have arrived last week. It was exactly what I needed even this morning. So very thankful for the friend who sent it.

You know my heart isn't hardened and I'm not selfish or ungrateful. I promise anyone who reads this hear my heart on this. I am hurting, I am angry. But not from or at anyone but the Air Force right now. If I vent on here please take it as just that. My venting. I can't promise that I will be all sunshine or rainbows. I can't promise I wont be a complete and utter disaster. But know that even when I am at my worst, when I am falling apart, and losing it... It has NOTHING to do with anyone else. Someone close to me said that it sounded like what I was going through was grief. And honestly it is. I am paralyzed with fear at the future right now and I'm not perfect or a rock. So far from it. But I am honest with how I feel. It's how I process and work through it. Just be patient and don't walk away because even if it seems like I'm pushing you away what I might really be saying is hold me up, don't leave me. I promise I would do the same for you.

Things to NOT say to people going through crisis.

2010-12-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

A few years ago when Jaxon was in the NICU there were things that people would say that I would think "are you a complete moron?" When my best friend Leanne had a stroke, I would watch people say things to her and her family that brought up those same feelings. Last year some friends and I had a fun time posting on our blogs Things you should NEVER say to NICU parents. Now I'm thinking that there are some things you should NEVER say to peope going through any type of hard time. Right now my family is in "crisis mode" and I know people are well intentioned and they don't really know what to do or say. That's okay. But please look at this list of things and realize they might just drive me over the edge if ONE more person says something like this to me.

1. Do NOT tell me that God has a plan for me. I Love my Jesus. I know what He has done for me. I know my scriptures and right now Jeremiah 29:11 is one I hold dear. So please know that I KNOW God has a plan for me and my family. But having 90 people tell me that does NOT make it better. It does not make the decisions we have to make any easier.

2. Please do not ask me how I am doing and expect me to give you the answer you want to hear. Right now it just isn't going to happen. Right now if you ask me how I'm doing then be prepared that I could be okay at that moment, angry and I could yell at you, or most likely I was fall apart right there in front of you. So if this is something you can't handle then I suggest you don't ask.

3. Do not be a part time friend. I need love and support right now. Not someone who only wants to come around for information about whats going on. Do not facebook me and five seconds later go off line. Just because you asked how I'm doing doesn't make you a good friend. A good friend sits with you and listens, understands that you are struggling and aren't at your best right now. A good friend is okay if all you can do is lay on their bed and cry, or get angry and not say nice things at that moment. Because they know that it isn't directed at them. It has NOTHING to do with them.

4. If you have a similar experience as me or something else someone is going through. Share your story. But don't think you understand what I am going through because you sort of had a situation like that. Just because your baby is in the NICU doesn't mean they almost died! Just because you had a sick baby, doesn't mean you understand a child with Cerebal Palsy or even worse a baby that has gone home to be with the Lord. Just because you have a headache, does NOT mean you know what it's like to have a MAJOR stroke and almost die. Just because you are military doesn't mean you know what MY family is going through right now. (Yes, some of these things are things that my friends are dealing with or have dealt with and it applies to all of them.)

5. Please do not say let me know if there is anything you need or that I can do and then when I actually ask for something completely ignore me. If you aren't willing to really stand up to that DON'T SAY IT!

6. Things you ABSOLUTELY can do: PRAY for me and my family. Hug me when you see me. It's okay if you don't know what to say, just show that you care. Do call me and say hey lets have a starbucks, or play a game of yahtzee. Do send me a text that says thinking and/or praying for you. Do ask if there is anything you can do to relieve the burden. Even if there isn't, it's nice that you ask. But be prepared to follow through if I say yes.

I'm sure there are other things that should or shouldn't be done but these are the ones that are particularly on my heart right now. I know that there are good intentions and people don't know what to say in some situations but know thats okay. Just being there, really being there, does more than words ever could!

You Know When You Feel Like Your World Has Been Rocked....

2010-10-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

God doesn't promise that life as a follower of Jesus will bring all sunshine and rainbows. He tells us that there will be struggles, trials, and times that you all you can do is keep going, keeping your eyes on Him. Oh yes my friends, that is where life is right now for us. I don't know whats worse honestly... Knowing that things are not going your way or the waiting and not knowing what is going to happen with your life. Knowing that it is all out of your control makes you feel like the entire world is out of control. Today our Pastor taught on staying in the Word and he mentioned a story about a girl in a prison camp and how she wrote on the wall with a rock in the cell. I've heard the words in bits and pieces before but never read the entire passage of scripture but today... Oh today that Scripture was like water to my broken heart!

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh, [a]
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, "Seek his [b] face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27

Oh Praise God! Thank you that you know that I am weary, scared, and impatient. Thank you for speaking straight to my heart today. You always know exactly what I need, when I need it.

There are days....

2010-07-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

that I wonder what Gods plan is for me. I struggle so much with this especially when the depression seems to want to swallow me up. I feel as if life has taken one turn after another and I just can't understand it sometimes. In February we found out we had orders to Dover AFB, Delaware. Two weeks ago we found out they were cancelled. We are staying in Utah for at least another year. Of course there are many emotions that go with that. One being disappointment because I had worked myself up to being excited about going to a new place, I'd already started making new friends, and because I would be closer to home. The other emotion is excitment because Utah has become home for us for the last 5 years and I have a whole life here that I was sad to leave. But with that said it's hard because I'd already resigned myself to leaving here and I'd begun to say goodbye to my life here. I'd even felt that God had been working to help me let go of my attachments here. But then we got the news that we were staying and now I'm feeling a little like where do I belong? We were moving and I think people were sad we were leaving but their lives were going on whether I was here or not, so they kept right on living. Now we aren't moving and I wonder if the place I'd carved out for myself here isn't there anymore. It's something I've been asking God to show me but so far I haven't gotten a clear answer. I'm praying He will show me that there is a plan in even this and where I fit in.

Our New House and other craziness!

2010-03-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

So in my last blog I said that life had been insane. Well one of the reasons why is that Boyer Hill FINALLY got our new house done and we had been in the process of packing and moving. We officially moved into our new home on Hill AFB on Monday, March 22nd. This is a picture of the front of the house. It's an amazing house and to me it's huge. My stuff is all in it and I keep thinking did we lose stuff? Anway, these pictures were taken before we moved in. The day Ian signed the lease (or rather a few days later) we were able to do a walk through.

Ian openening the front door

View from the front door to the back of the house down the hallway!

Our living room (right inside the front door)

half bath downstairs. but OH MAN I don't want to clean 3 toilets!

View of the kitchen from the dinning room

If you have seen previous posts in the last few months you'll know that I've been couponing and starting a stockpile. (And no it's not because I think the world is ending and I need to store food or whatever. The world ends so be it! I'll see My Glorious Father in Heaven) I'm stockpiling because I'm getting things so cheap with coupons that I'm stocking up so I don't have to pay full price! So this picture is my most favorite thing in the house! MY PANTRY!!!

Laundry room :)

pic is kind of dark but it's in the back of the house where the dinning room is! :)

Ian's favorite thing about the house! The 2 car garage!

Stairs

Hallway and the entrance to the boys bathroom and Jaxon's room

Linen Closet

My bathroom

Same bathroom just a little farther in!

Ian and my bedroom. The best part of this room? Our two huge walk in closets! Yep we have his and hers!

So that's the view of the house empty. I'll probably post more pics later after I take some now we are moved in. The bad part of moving into this house? The fact that we only get to live in it for 4 months! Yep that's right. After 5 years Ian got orders! To Deleware! Crazy right? So we will be leaving Utah on August 2nd and moving back to the East Coast. Dover is exactly 10 hours from both of our families so I have a feeling we are going to be getting more visits once we get there!

So that's part of our craziness here in Utah. Now you know why I've been awol lately!

Brennan's 9th Birthday

2010-03-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know I'm like a month and a half behind on this but seriously my life has been INSANE lately. I mean one can only wonder how a person can keep their head above water with so much going on. Brennan had school on his birthday and that same day was his Valentines Party. So I went in and helped out with the class party and took cupcakes in. He was so excited and a little silly. All of these kids were hopped up on sugar though. It was crazy! :)

Brennan at his desk doing his Valentine Craft. He didn't look so thrilled at this point! lol

Brennan and some of his classmates!

But I managed to throw together a small party at Fat Cats for Brennan and he had a blast! For those that don't know, Fat Cats is a type of fun center where you can bowl, bumper cars, mini golf, play video games, eat, and hang out.

Brennan and some of his "buds" Jake, Stephen, and our other Jake! They were eating pizza and bowling! :)

Brennan opening some presents. Jaxon looked pretty excited about them too!

Brennan's birthday cake! How cool is this cake. Seriously! My friend Christie made this for him. The ramp is cake too! The dirt road is made of brown sugar and it was DELICIOUS!!!

up close of the ramp!

Brennan and his friends! These kids are some of the best friends I could ever ask for my boy!

And Jaxon. He was right there in the middle of it all. Having a blast! He looks up to his big brother so much!

All in all I think the party was a huge success (we had a few minor set backs with the location but the manager fixed it and gave the kids all out passes to do bumper cars and golfing for free). It was great company, good food, and lots of fun! This will be the last birthday Brennan has in Utah so I'm glad that we were able to make it one he will remember for a long time!

Savvy Sister Shops

2010-03-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

One of my new favorite blogs is based right here in Utah called Savvy Sister Shops. It's written by Heather and a funny thing happened with us. I found out about her blog a few months ago and a day or two later I was in the store and this lady approached me and asked me about using coupons. Lo and behold it was Heather! So that's how we met! And since then I've read her book Savvy Shopper 101 (I won it through a giveaway contest!) and found that it was a fabulous read. It was incredibly easy to understand and is more that just a how to book. I refer to her book often when I have questions and when I can't figure it out I just send her a comment on her blog and she tries to answer it for me. Just yesterday I got to spend a few minutes with her and realized even further how generous she is and how much she wants people to truly get the most for their money. Getting deals is so exciting and when you come home with a trunk full of groceries and have spend half of what you have normally spend and then the next time a third of that you realize that couponing isn't something you can afford not to do. Check it out. Even if you are curious! If nothing else, she posts some great recipe's on there too from all the great sales she gets. There is something for everyone! :)

What's in the box?

2010-01-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today Pastor Roy (at my church WHC) preached on Solomon's journey in Ecclesiastes and his quest for the meaning of life. Essentially saying that eventually we all ask "What is the purpose of life?" He asked us to draw a box at the top of the page and leave it there until the end of the sermon. He went on to say that Solomon tried things such as searching for wisdom, pleasure, and success but realized that those weren't what he was searching for. So essentially the question was this: what are we searching for? What do we think our meaning or purpose is? He went on to say that given being in church the standard answer will probably be Jesus but that isn't what most people truly go after. He went on to give examples of things such as money, sexual pleasure, fame... Saying that those things would be in someone's "box" their meaning or quest for life. I've spent all day thinking about this message and this week God has been tugging at my heart something fierce and I'm still not 100 percent sure what it is He is trying to get me to see but I KNOW that has something to do with this. After I got out of childcare tonight I spent some time talking with my friend Brenda about this. She is a wealth of knowledge and I generally go to her with my questions and things. She simply said to me she couldn't tell me what God was trying to show me but that I needed to ask him to clearly show me what it was. We talked for a while more and she went into evening service and I went home. As I was driving down 89 thinking about our conversation and praying for God to show me, He brought a situation that happened this week to my heart and I said God what is that I am missing? What's in my box? ACCEPTANCE!!! That is what He showed me tonight. I fight so hard for acceptance from so many different sources and the thing is I never feel I TRULY get it. All the negative things about myself play in my head whenever I feel slighted or think about being accepted or in my mind rejected. In my world the two go hand in hand. Two pieces of the same puzzle. Why do I fight for it? Why do I seek it? Why do I never feel good enough or loved enough? I honestly don't have the answer to those questions but I know in my HEAD that I am accepted... that I am good enough... loved... by God. And that is all that matters right? So why can't I get my head and my heart to connect and really ACCEPT God's ACCEPTANCE? I think this is something I'm going to be praying about for a while. Laying it down at the cross daily. Because that's what's in MY box and I'm so tired of MY box!

Trip to Family Fresh Foods

2010-01-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

My trip to Family Fresh Foods was A+! Absolutely fantastic. I really didn't get to stay as long as I'd like since I had to pick up my son from school but I'm definitely going back there as soon as I can. It is so clean and the people that work there are so friendly. Jaxon, my 3 year old, started throwing a fit and the manager came over and talked to him and took him to get an ice cream cone for free! Jaxon was happy as a clam after that!! That right there made my day! I also ran right smack dab into Heather from Savvy Sister Shops! It took me a minute to realize that I was actually talking to her and meeting someone from my cyber world but it was pretty cool. She came up and said " I see you are using coupons. I have a blog..." and handed me her card. I looked at it and said to her "actually I already read your blog! That's how I found out about the store to begin with! So thanks!" So Heather I hope we "run" into each other again soon! :)

Here's what I got:

10 boxes of Hamburger Helper .88 (price matched from Macey's) Final Price: FREE

3 Carefree Panty Liners 1.34 Final Price: FREE

2 Jif Peanut Butter 1.97 Final Price: 1.64 ea

1 Smuckers Grape Jelly 2.59

2 Chinet Plates 2.99 Final Price: $.99 ea

2 Kotex panty liners 1.29 Final Price: FREE

1 Fast Fixin Popcorn Poppers 4.99 (it's in the freezer ) Final Price: 2.99

(earlier in the day I ran to Target and grabbed 4 Johnson Buddies .97 each $1/1 had 4 coupons so I got them all FREE!)

So back to FFF!

Total : 32.90

Vendor Coupons Used: $9.19

Double Coupons Courtesy of FFF: $7.90

Total OOP: $12.31

Totally love this store and will definitely be making a trip there again soon. I didn't get a few things on my list that I had wanted to get today so I may be going tomorrow! :)

What do Krispy Kreme and Valentines have in common?

2010-01-19T14:26:00.000-08:00

Well, apparently alot! I just read at Saving with Amy's that Krispy Kreme is offering this hot Valentines Day offer. Order a dozen donuts and receive 12 FREE Valentines Day Cards! These aren't just any old Valentines Day cards either, they have a coupon for a FREE donut!

You can click here to see if your location is participating. As for Layton, ours is! :0) Enjoy!

Heads Up Ogden/Layton Friends

2010-01-19T14:15:00.000-08:00

Ok so I was reading my favorite blogs today and that lead me to another great blog Savvy Sister Shops and she posted about Family Fresh Foods. It's a locally owned store that opened up in Ogden just a few months ago. I've never personally shopped there but have driven by it many times. It's by Ogden Regional Hospital. The address is 5167 S Adams Avenue. Anyway, she was simply RAVING about this store and here's why... Not only do they have great prices and price match... But they double your coupons up to a $1!! Yep that's right. I believe I will be making a trip up there tonight when Ian gets home from work instead of to the commissary. I'll let you know how I do! :) I'm so excited I can't wait! Thanks for the info, Heather!!

Quick Dollar General and Macey's Run 1/18/10 and Coupon Etiquette

2010-01-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

So I ran to Dollar General today to grab electrasol with my $2.50 off coupons. I had 4 so I got 4 boxes and paid just .50 cents a box! Love it!!

Then, I ran to Macey's because they had a few things on sale that I really wanted. Now granted this is the first time I've ever been to Macey's but it was clean, friendly, and the prices really weren't bad at all. Since I've been reading blogs and paying attention to the ads and deals that have been coming I've paid more attention to whats been on sale at other stores I don't generally go to. Boy am I glad I did. Macey's is part of the Associated Food Stores so they had in ad coupons that I could use with coupons I already had. Plus this week in the ad they had a $3.00 MFG coupon for Quaker products when you buy 5. How can you possibly beat that?

So here is what I got a Macey's:

4 - 24 pks pure life water 2.98 each

4 - boxes Kellogs cereal 1.99 each

2 - chinet plates 2.99 each

3 - Sunbelt granola bars 3/$5

5 - boxes Quaker Oatmeal 1.78 each

2 - Pillsbury Toaster Strudel 2.00 each

3 - Malt o Meal Mini Spooners Cereal bags .89 each

Total = 46.43

-1.00/2 pure life

-1.00/2 kellogs

-2.00 chinet

-3.00 quaker

-1.50 in ad

-1.00 toaster strudel

-.55 toaster strudel

-B1G1 Sunbelt 1.66

total oop= 34.10

Oh and while I was in Dollar General I realized they had a packet of coupons that were sitting there. One page was mfg and one page DG. So I grabbed 2 and paid for my purchases and left. Then I went to Macey's and used my coupons in my ad and walking out there were extra ads sitting there. This got me to thinking about those types of things and what is the appropriate etiquette in taking your share? You come by those ads, coupons, peelies, coupons on shelves... so how do you know exactly what is okay? What are your thoughts on this subject? I'd love to know! Thanks!

My Deals for the Week of 1/16/10!! (Complete with Pictures!!!)

2010-01-17T00:46:00.000-08:00

Ok So I told you in my last post that I was going to be doing everything in my power to save some money. So I've done some research and am desperately trying to learn the Drugstore Game. If you don't know what that is, there is a FABULOUS explanation from Cheif Family Officer's Blog! I am still learning myself and her blog has been a valuable learning tool. The other way to learn I guess is trial and error. I'm hoping that don't do a whole lot of the error stuff because I'd really like to make a dent in that debt!

So these last two weeks I've worked furiously at getting my coupon's organized. I've finally decided on the coupon binder. I found the baseball card pages and got a binder that was laying around and went to work! My coupon is stash is well beyond what I even imagined it could be and it was becoming cumbersome in the tiny coupon organizer. I have felt a little strange today going into stores with a huge binder but let me tell you it's been SUCH a breeze! So much better than going through EVERY coupon I had every time I went to a store. Now I just flip the pages and ta-da, there it is!

Anyway on to my trips tonight. Ian took the boys out to the movies and I headed out to Old Navy, Target, and two different Walgreens. I'll get to that in a minute!

Old Navy is having their annual clearance sale and they have marked everything an additional 50% off. Plus I got the online coupon for 10% off my entire purchase. So This is what I spent:

Lace Cami 3.99

-50% 2.99

-10% .20 = 1.79

Tee 4.99

-50% 2.50

-10% .25 =2.24

Tee 4.49

- 50% 2/25

-10 % .22 = 2.02

Tee 2.99

-50% 1.50

-10 % .15 = 1.34

Grand Total = $7.39

Not too bad especially when it's clothes shopping for me! :)

Ok this is Walgreen's trip number 1. Now I'm still pretty new to this whole drug store game thing so bear with me! So I did 3 transactions.

#1 Thermacare Heat Wrap

$2.49 on sale

-1.00 MFC

Final Cost= 1.49 plus $2.49 RR

so that's a $1.00 MONEY MAKER if I'm not mistaken!

#2 Same as #1

So I just made $2.00 and got two heat wraps... not too shabby right?

#3 Bic Soliel Disposable Razor

Bic Comfort Disposable Razor

2/$10 on Sale

-$3 coupon January Wags coupon book

BIGI Free MFC

-$2.50 RR

M&M filler

$.50

Final Cost= $.68 OOP

Wags trip #2. Now this trip was a little difficult. I got to the store got my items and had the cashier tell me that I could not do separate transactions and roll my RR's. Needless to say, I walked away for a minute and thought about it and decided to leave the store. This is the last night for these particular sales and register rewards so it was a little frustrating. I decided to drive down to another store and see if they had what I needed but they were closed. So I got a blizzard from Dairy Queen and drove back :) and spoke with the cashier again and asked to speak to the manager about the policy since I know so many of my fellow bloggers have said that there is no official written policy. At that she decided that I could in fact do separate transactions. What do you know? So here is what I got and how it went down.

Transaction #1

Kotex Tampons 18 pack

3/$9 on sale

-1.50 MFC

-3.00 RR

Final Cost= $5.08 plus $4 RR back

Transaction #2

Neosporin Lip Ointments

2/$8 on sale

-3.00 printable coupon

-2.50 RR

Final Price= $3.05 with $3 RR back

Transaction #3

Colgate Max Fresh Tooth Paste

$2.99 on sale

Kleenex (3 boxes)

$1.39 a box

-$1.00 MFC

-$.50 MFC

-$3.00 RR

Final Cost= 3.13 with $2 RR back

(and typing this I just realized she didn't scan the ad coupon for the kleenex which was supposed to be .79 a box and I didn't even realize it!:( )

Transaction #4

Colgate Max Fresh

$2.99

-$1.00

Final Cost= 1.99 with $2.00 RR back

Transaction#5

Same as #4

I didn't roll the RR's on these because it was almost 11 pm and I was getting tired LOL. But technically I got 3 tubes of FREE tooth paste!!! How's that for a trip! :)

This is from my trip to Rite Aid. This was done after my Old Navy trip and before my first Wags trip. :)

So here is what I got. All in one transaction!

1 pack Huggies Pull Ups

8.99 On Sale

1 pack Huggies Pull Ups

8.99 on sale

Oxi Clean

4.99

Nivea Lip Balm

2.99

Nivea Lip Balm

2.99

GE 2 pack bulbs

2.00 on sale

-$2 pull ups printable

-B1G1 Nivea 2.99

-1 ad perk pull ups

-$2 ad perk oxi clean

-1.50 ge bulbs

-$5/$20 rite aid

Final Cost =$16.24

Plus Rite Aid has Single Check Rebates too!

Huggies SCR $1.00

GE Bulbs SCR $2.00

and I got 5 Game of Life game pieces! I think I did pretty good tonight. If you have any comments on how I can tweak my DSG playing I'd love to hear them! Thanks! :)

Denting the Debt in 2010 and Other Things On My Mind

2010-01-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

2010 is here! That means that this year marks several milestones in my life.
1) Ian and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year!
2)Brennan is going to be 9 this year and Jaxon will be 4!
3) We will have been in Utah 5 years this June.
4)It has been 1 year since I fully and completely gave my whole life to Christ (including my will I fought that one for many many years!

I also realized that I actually kept my very first New Years Resolution! Christmas time 2008 I decided that I would make the commitment to be in church every Sunday given there were no communicable illnesses in our family! On the first Sunday of January, I was sitting next to my friend Brenda in church and one of our pastors was preaching on "A New Year's Resolution You Can Keep" and I leaned over and said I actually kept my resolution this year and God met me where I was and brought me here! She and I slapped high 5s and continued listening to the sermon. This year has not been an easy one and there were many many days that I didn't want to get out of bed let alone go to church or any where else for that matter, but God is so faithful. He met me right there in my bedroom every morning and got me out of bed and facing the day. My faith and my relationship has grown abundantly over the last year and I can clearly see that. Without that I don't think I would have gotten through those spinal taps or the craziness of my childrens heart stopping stunts.

I've thought long and hard about what I want to "resolve" to do in 2010 and I've come to the conclusion that I'd really like to make some headway getting out of debt. Now granted I did not get here by myself. I prayed about this hard and once again God has met me right where I am. He has given me a wonderful job (and no it's not dental assisting at the moment! I know shock right!) where I can take Jaxon or even Brennan with me every day. It's been a huge blessing. He also provided an answer to prayer~ Ian's Tech Stripes. Which if you are military you all know that's a substantial raise. Another thing God has provided is coupons and the wonderful blogging world of women who are teaching me how to stretch our families dollars so far that I know that we are going to dent the debt. These ladies have no idea the impact they have on me or my family because they have not a clue who I am but I thank God for them and the time they take to help us find the best deals for our families. Ian is so impressed with the "savings" on our groceries this month that he texted his friends to tell them about my deals. I was pretty excited that he did that. So I'm going to try to begin posting the steals and deals I get on my shopping trips and helping anyone I know along the way. I want to pass the blessings on to other people too. I feel it's one way I can personally praise and woship such an amazing and providing God!

So what are you planning to do in 2010? I'd love to know!

PS I'm going to be adding buttons for the blogs that I get the deals, couponing info from. They are great resources! :)

Intracranial Hypertension/Psuedotumor Cerebri

2009-10-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

Sounds fun right! Yeah not so much. For the last two years I've been experiencing excruciating headaches, tinnitus (buzzing/whooshing) in my right ear) dizzyness, blurred vision, blackouts, double vision, pins/needle tingling in my hands and feet and sheer extraordinary exhaustion. Finally after 2 years they send me to a neurologist who does an MRI, blood tests, sends me to an opthamologist and a lumbar puncture. Low and behold three weeks later we have a diagnosis. My LP opening pressure was 29 normal pressure should be around 13. They removed 20 cc's of spinal liquid off my spine. They said that should help. Yeah it hasn't. They put me on topamax. A month later still dealing with the same symptoms and fighting to maintain some control in my life because my vision is getting worse. The pain is getting worse and what's worse because I don't LOOK sick, people think I'm perfectly fine. No I don't want to be treated differently because I'm sick but at the same time I want UNDERSTANDING. Especially from my husband. And I'm just not getting it. Last night Jaxon got a fever that shot up to 103 and I called the doctor. They said we can see you at midnight if you want and I said do you think I need to bring him in. They said we will have the MA call you back. Ok no problem. She calls back and she says if his fever goes down with tylenol/motrin we can wait till morning to bring him in. I'm at this point exhausted and think waiting is the best option and Ian has decided that I need to take him in. That he absolutely needs to go into the doc at midnight but He wasn't volunteering to take him. He wanted ME to take him. So I rescheduled the appointment and Ian freaked out on me. You are lazy only thinking of yourself. All you want to do is go to bed when your kid is sick... This is the type of thing I have been getting from him since I got the diagnosis and it doesn't matter what it is about. Checking the voicemail, cleaning the house, or whatever and this is what I get. I just feel so worthless and not even sure what to do. Jaxon slept all night last night and woke up with the fever again this morning and we did go into the doctor. He has an ear infection. He is currently sleeping again. And I have yet to get a kind word from my husband or anyone else today. Ok my vent is over. The point of this blog post is that I joined an IIH support forum and they had a link to www.butyoudon'tlooksick.com and this lady wrote this story about the spoon theory. She was trying to help her friend understand what it was like to live with Lupus everyday. Now I don't have Lupus but the principal is the same. And I hope that it will help some understand just a little what it's like to live with a disease that takes all your spoons. Read it and then write me what you think about it! I'd love to hear what you think. Because the disease is different but the point is we don't look sick but we are. ;)

YAY ME!!!!!!

2009-01-08T18:36:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy. I went in to school today and picked up my paperwork for graduation. I scheduled my exit interview and I went in to work. Today and tomorrow were supposed to be my last days at the Pediatric Dentistry. I finish my externship tomorrow and I'm DONE with school. All I have left is my exit interview and my official graduation ceremony on March 7th. I went in today and I was officially offered a position there! I'm so excited. It's what I worked so hard for and I'm so happy. I "officially start" on Tuesday even though I've been there for two months! Yay ME!!! What a GREAT day!!!!!

You're Gonna Miss This.... Moment

2009-01-02T18:23:00.001-08:00

This is my very first YGMT. I came across this blog tonight. She is having a carnival on her blog. Play along with this great mimi at YGMT!

I picked this for my YGMT moment! My boys playing together! You see I was talking to someone today about Brennan and how big he is getting. He is up to my shoulder now. He's gettin bigger everyday and turning from my little boy into my big boy. Right now he is interested in his brother and playing with him. They are 7 years old and 2 years old. Jaxon LOVES his big brother and looks up to him so much. But February is fast approaching now and my baby will 8 years old. My prayer is that they will always have a good relationship. But I'm really gonna miss the lazy days of just watching the two of them horse around. Can't they stay babies forever?

Thoughts on this Years New Year Resolutions

2009-01-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking for a while about New Years Resolutions and whether 1) I should make them or 2) what they would be if I did. Every year people make resolutions on NYE and they never keep them. I am definitely on the not keeping end. So I asked myself what would I say if I made them. So here is the list of things I would say if I were making resolutions.
1) Lose Weight
2) Get Organized
3) Save Money
4) Pay Off Bills
5) Give Up Obligations

So I'm not saying that this isn't a good list of things to do. Nor am I saying that some of them might not get done. But I'm tired of being impractical and making big future resolutions that I'll give up on tomorrow. So here is a list of things I'm resolving to do THIS WEEK
1) Pray Daily: My prayer life is not what it should be. I have a long way to go to be a prayer warrior but I'm committed to getting on my knees every day for the next 7 days as a start! Things I am going to pray about include my family, my boys, my husband, my go group, my church family.
2) Start the Study LIES WOMEN BELIEVE AND THE TRUTH THAT SETS THEM FREE! I've already started reading the book but my go group is fixing to start the study. I'm committing to doing my homework and allowing my relationship with God to progress.
3) Finish my last 40 hours of my externship! I'm almost there. By next Friday I will be done!!!
4) Get Brennan back to Awana's next Wednesday! I was in school last year so he couldn't go since he was at the sitters.
5) Do ONE load of laundry a day at least! This includes washing, drying, folding, hanging, and putting away. I have a habit of starting laundry and forgetting about it. Washing all the laundry and not folding it or putting it away. I figure even though Mt. Washmore is still gonna be there having one load done a day, completely done, will help me get into a habit of keeping up on it.
6) Enjoy my kids! I take so little time to really enjoy them because I stay so busy that it's hurting me and them. I'm ready to stop being so busy and just let them show me their world!
7) Encouraging my husband. Last but certainly not least, especially because I've already started this. I started the 30 day challenge from http://www.reviveourhearts.com/ to encourage and edify my husband for 30 days. The challenge is to not say anything negative to or about him and to edify him. I am committed to finishing this challenge. I love my husband and I know I don't always show it. I can be just as hard to live with. He is a wonderful husband, father, provider. I want him to know that!

So those are my "resolutions" for this week. I really want to be able to do these things this week. Maybe I'll update on how I did at the end of the week next week. Maybe I'll make some more after these. But I know I can't stay focused on one thing for longer than a week at a time. I have to see some progress everyday. I'll want to give up on myself. So I'm going to pray that I'm able to do these things this week!

Happy New Years!!!

2009-01-01T20:55:00.001-08:00

So on New Years Eve we stayed in and had fun with the boys! Brennan had his little friend Nathan spend the night and they spent most of the day in his room playing Nintendo DS or outside in the snow! They had a blast. Jaxon played hard today too and he was fading fast about 10:00. Ian had to go to the airport to pick up my friend Chanra and we were hoping they would make it back in time for midnight. Jaxon was trying to hang in!
Mommy had to get a picture cuddling with her cute cuddle bug!

Getting my pre New Years Kiss!!!

Oh No! The camera!

A cute cuddle with Abby!

Nope he didn't make it!

Checking in on the boys! Yep they are playing DS! Quick pause for a picture for mom though!

Me and My hubby. Brennan took this picture!

Mom, gave us Champaigne. Oh man it's just Sparkling White Grape Juice!!!

Counting down the New Year and a new years cheer!

Nathan and Brennan. I think they are pretty tired too!

My new years kiss. Brennan was NOT happy about taking this picture. His words were GROSS!!!

Sparlking grape juice is yummy... Too bad Daddy had to drink Jaxon's too!!! He was not waking up!

After we celebrated and said Happy New Year, we all headed to bed. I know we aren't very exciting but to me it was a PERFECT New Years with my boys!!! Can't wait to see what God has in store for 2009.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-01-01T20:50:00.001-08:00

So December 30th is Ian's birthday. He had to work at the base that day. No one at his work knew it was his birthday. Me and the boys quickly changed that. I took the boys to the store and picked up some goodies and balloons. We took them over to the shop and said Happy Birthday. I snapped this picture of my boys! I'm such a lucky girl! Shortly after we left, Ian came home for the day. He said they felt bad he was at work on his birthday and gave him the rest of the day off! YAY! So Brennan and Ian went to do some father son stuff and Jaxon and I napped! When they got home we got ready to go and went to dinner at Olive Garden! It was yummy and fun! Like I said I'm a lucky girl!

Playing Outside With The Boys

2009-01-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

So I decided to venture outside with the boys yesterday in the cold and play outside. Jaxon LOVES outside and needs to be able to run around and play and get fresh air as often as possible. Mommy could spend a whole month in the house never stepping foot in the cold or snow if I could! So Brennan bundled up and when to a friends house and Jaxon and I bundled up and headed into the front yard! We threw snowballs, snow angels, and tried to build a snowman but Jaxon lost interest. When I brought out the camera to take a picture of us outside he wanted it and when I didn't give it to him he cried. I took the picture anyway!

Finally I gave in and he took this of me!

Telling me he wants to go play somewhere else!

Trying out my scooter outside for the first time!!

And he's off!

He didn't like me putting him up on the snow hill in our yard!

Brennan came home for a few minutes and he didn't mind!

My Boys!

Brennan's snow angel

I don't know why some of these pictures turned out blue but they were still cute!

Brennan and his new sled!

Jaxon's turn with the sled

And then we went in and had hot chocolate and took a nap! What a fun day!

Christmas 2008

2009-01-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

So this Christmas was so exciting. On Christmas Eve, we got the suprise from a Secret Santa! We went to Christmas Eve candelight service at church, and out to dinner afterward. We called and said hi to my family that always gets together every Christmas Eve. We left cookies out for Santa and we put the boys to bed! Shortly after I was exhausted and went to bed myself.

A few days before Christmas, my friend Tracy came into town and brought the kids some presents. A new bionicle for Brennan!

A Leap Frog Fridge Farm for Jaxon.

And we made a family favorite, Puppy Chow, and wrapped it up pretty and delivered it to neighbors and friends!

On Christmas Morning!

Brennan got a skateboard from Santa and Jaxon got a scooter!

Trying em out for the first time!

Uh oh! Daddy got a DS!

Diego Cars!!!

Thanks Aunt Judi and Granny!!! I wanted this so much!!!

Jaxon crawling on top of the Diego Mobile Rescue Unit box to unwrap it!!

A Christmas nap! Unwrapping presents and playing with new toys wear me out!!!

No pictures were taken of me this wonderful Christmas morning, but I got a wonderful gift certificate for a spa day from my hubby!! I can't wait to get to use it!!! Christmas was a lazy, wonderful day at our house full of fun and good food and nice naps! The way every Christmas should be!!!

The Kindness of Strangers

2008-12-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas eve and I'm sitting on my couch in tears. Not because I'm sad but because I'm overwhelmed with the kindness of someone who apparently wants to be anonymous. I was in the hallway doing laundry a few minutes ago when my door bell rang. I told Brennan to not open the door because the dogs would get out. But Brennan looked out the window and said Mom Santa came. I'm like what? He said there are presents outside. I'm thinking that he's joking around or something. But no he isn't joking. Because I go to the door and outside where two huge christmas bags and a wrapped present. The red bag says for her and has a card and the green bag says for him and the present doesn't have a name on it. I take the card out to see who this generous gift is from and on the inside it says To the Carpenter Family, many blessings. Merry Christmas. And there was a walmart gift card inside for $75. I burst into tears because I'm just in awe of such an amazing gesture. I don't know who it's from or why they gave it to us but I am grateful all the same. I just feel blessed and wish I knew who to thank. But I know God knows who and why and I'm certain that He will bless this generous Santa. And I know that I will definitely be paying it forward. It's incredible how something can change you and your perspective so quickly. Merry Christmas to all. Love and Hugs, Denise

New to Visiting Our Blog?

2008-12-22T13:05:00.001-08:00

Hi Guys! Just wanted to take a quick moment and say thanks for stopping by our blog. Hopefully this will make our family and friends feel a little closer to us. Just wanted to let everyone know that we have a comment card attached to each post. So if you check in on us and want to say hi please leave us a comment so we know you visited and we can continue to keep you updated. Thanks! Can't wait to hear from you.

Nerve Study

2008-12-22T12:53:00.001-08:00

Ok so I don't know if any of you have any idea what a nerve study is but let me tell it's painful. And if someone tells you it isn't let me just clue you in ~ they lied. See I saw my Rhuemetologist last week and we discussed the numbness in my forarms and hands getting worse from the fibro. Well I had to go to the nerve specialist this morning for this nerve study. Basically a nerve study is where they hook you up to electrodes and shock your nerves. Then when they are done with that pleasantness they begin to poke needles in your hands, arms, and neck. I was told this would feel like accupuncture. However accupuncture does not dig into your nerves. This test however sticks a needle in, finds the nerve, and then proceeds to jiggle it to see how the nerve reacts. They stuck me 7 times per arm and about 10 times in my neck. I'm sore to say the least. I asked him if I was going to be sore all day and he said yes you are going to feel like you are bruised all up and down your arms and neck. But to make sure I'm using my arms and moving them so they don't get stiff. Well duh! So Ian and Brennan are going to get new sleds (thanks to Grandma Sue) and then we are all heading out to the sledding hill. I'm not sure I'll be doing any sledding but I'll definitely be taking pictures. So check back maybe there will be some new ones up soon.

Sledding- 12/20/08

2008-12-21T12:20:00.001-08:00

So I had to work yesterday morning but Ian was off and decided to take the boys sledding since we have gotten a lot of snow over the last week. I was a little nervous about Jaxon going as the only time he's been close to a sled is when he was in my tummy! But I sucked it up and went to work and Ian bundled the boys up in their snow gear and out they went. We have this hill on base here that is pretty big and it's a perfect spot for sledding. This year the snow plows have been filling dump trucks and then dumping them next to the hill and this huge snow blower blows it over and down the hill which keeps the hill nice and sleddable. :) So I wanted to share some pictures of the boys sledding especially since it's J's first time and a video of him doing it all by himself!

Brennan getting ready to go down
Jaxon watching in anticipation
Brennan made it to the bottom

Carrying the sled back up the hill

This was taken after the video clip. It's pretty funny! First clip is Brennan

Second clip is Jaxon

Christmas Time~ Layton City Lights

2008-12-21T12:10:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it Christmas is here. The year is almost over. It has been a crazy year and I'm glad to see it go! Anyway, Layton city does a free lights hay ride and hot cocoa and this year we went. It was so much fun. We went with Chanra, Luke, and Lana. We got to look at the lights, drink hot cocoa, eat cookies, sing carols, and see Santa. Me and the boys on the hay ride through the park!

Chanra, Luke and Lana on the hayride

Me and the boys near the christmas tree

Brennan and Santa

Jaxon and Santa.... telling him all about what he wants for christmas

I DID IT!!!!! OMG I REALLY DID IT!!!!

2008-11-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

Ok so right now I'm sitting at my computer completely and totally amazed by my huge accomplishment! I have ONE MORE NIGHT of class and I'm done with school. I'm graduating. I can't believe it. It's been a long few months and I have worked hard for my 4.0 and to learn everything I can possibly learn. I feel so amazing right now. No one can take this away from me. I take my xray certification exam tomorrow night, have a party with my class, and clean out my dental bin and I am done. Monday I start bright and early in a dental office. I'm so excited and nervous and simply amazed. I never would have been able to do this without the strength of the Lord. I couldn't have made it through. It has been tough being a mom and wife, pta vice president, key spouse, and babysitter, friend, daughter all at the same time but OMG I did it. Everyone thought I wouldn't make it. My mother in law said to me last night on the phone, " I have to tell you I didn't think you were gonna do it because I couldn't imagine you putting your hands in someones mouth." Well HA HA the jokes on all of you because I did it and not only did I do it I ROCKED at it. :) I'm so excited and so happy and just simply amazed. Thanks to all who did support me and prayed for me and my family and never gave up on me. Well I better run. I have to go study for my xray cert. I'm going to kick butt on this exam. I am determined. :) I'll let you know how it goes!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-29T07:44:00.001-07:00

For more wordless wednesday, visit 5 minutes for mom.

Rough day

2008-10-16T22:07:00.001-07:00

Today we had some problems with my son and I was just devastated not knowing what to do about it. I had basically been reduced to a puddle of mush and cried nonstop. I'm pretty certain I overreacted as I packed every item in Brennan's room up and put it all in the storage closet. He has NOTHING left in his room except his bed, dresser, and his bible. I'm not sure how long I plan to keep it like that but I had no idea what else to do. I just feel so out of control where it comes to him these days and I felt like maybe if there was nothing left for him to be distracted by we'd finally get somewhere.
About 2 hours after I finished packing Brennan's room I got a call from my mom. I didn't answer it because I was still reeling from the situation and wasn't ready to talk about it. But after I didn't answer my house phone my cell started ringing and after the second time calling my cell I answered it and it was my brother. All he said was that we had a problem. My heart stopped because my brother rarely calls me. He lives with my mom and I was terrified that I was getting bad news. And yep that's exactly what it was. BAD NEWS. My nephew had been hit by a car. Not just hit by a car while riding his scooter in front of his house but hit and dragged down the road because the teenager that hit him had no idea he'd hit a 6 year old boy. Needless to say my brother in law hit the kid and ended up in jail to make matters worse. Jopey is ok, he's covered head to toe in road rash but there's not broken bones and THANK GOD he was wearing a helmet because he might not have survived otherwise. So after the phone call I was completely useless because it makes it that much harder to live 2000 miles away from my family. So I had to wait for news from someone there to know what was going on and if he was ok. So as you can guess the awful panic attack monster reared it's ugly head. I was a wreck, I can't imagine what my sister was going through. I missed class tonight and I hope that I'll be able to make up the work, since we were testing tonight. But there was NO way I was going to be able to concentrate on tests tonight when I could barely function. Thank God for amazing friends who have become family and were there to help in any way they could tonight. Amazing how God puts people in your life that understand and help you get through when you need it most.

Wordless Wednesday~Best Friends

2008-10-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

For More WW visit 5 minutes for mom!

Tuesday Tiip Jar

2008-10-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

My Tuesday tip is to use shaving cream to clean your bathroom mirrors. It not only cleans them really well it also keeps them from fogging up while you are showering. :)

Do you ever wonder....

2008-10-13T21:34:00.001-07:00

What your life would be like if you hadn't made some of the choices you made? I've had several of those moments. You know the ones, the fork in the road moments. And for the most part you take the one that will take you where you think you want to go. And once in a while you realize that maybe you didn't want to go there after all. I mean who wants to end up down a road with pot holes the size of the grand canyon and nails and debris. Yet somehow there is that day that you realize you've come out of that canyon on the other side and you find an ocean or field full of flowers and realize you may not have known where you were going nor did you want to go the way you got there but you wouldn't trade it for the world.
I've been having a few of those days lately. I've had such a hard time with life in general. I get so overwhelmed and I think why am I here? Why did I do this? Why did I move here? What made me think I could have two children? What made me think that I could be happily married? Or get out of debt, or have a best friend who is ALWAYS there for me no matter what, or even why did I think I could go back to school? Some days I think I'm superwoman and can do anything and most days do it better than someone else... but yet those other days have been more and more lately. The feelings of I'm not good enough, I'm not going to make it, I should give up. And that's when the anxiety comes in and I find myself in a pool of tears and almost a whole box of cookies and praying that someone will just take over for me even for a little while. But I'm praying and I'm holding on to the faith that this is God's plan for me. Even the anxiety and frustration is part of his plan. It's hard to let go of control and just trust, especially trust what you can't see. That's so hard for me. But I'm trying and I'm getting out of bed every day and I'm taking care of my kids, and my house (for the most part) and going to school and still keeping that 4.0 and I realize at this moment, I'm exactly where God wants me. I might be in that giant pot hole right now but pretty soon I know He is going to pull me out and there on the other side it's going to be amazing. I don't know what that holds or when that's going to happen, but I know it's going to. Maybe that's what God's waiting for. Maybe He is waiting for me to realize that all I need to get out of that hole is Him and he will take care of the rest. Some days it takes that faith... And faith is believing even when you can't see what you believe in. :)
Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."
This scripture couldn't be a better one for me today. :)

First Snow of the Season

2008-10-12T13:27:00.001-07:00

So today we woke up to a world of white for the first time this fall/winter. Now if you followed my blog in the last few years you know that last year Jaxon wanted NOTHING to do with the snow. However this year I was curious as to what was going to happen. Sure it's cold and wet but Jaxon LOVES being outside. Actually he walks around the house all day long saying, outside, outside, outside. So we bundled the kids up and we took them outside to play in the snow. Which by the way is still falling heavily as I type. So here are a few pictures of this years first snow play... getting ready to go out

4 wheeling through the snow

Brennan stopped throwing snowballs for me to get a picture of him

Ian getting pelted by snowballs from Brennan and his friend

Jaxon loves being outside but he's not sure about the snow

Ian getting Brennan back and Jaxon laughing

Uh oh Ian got Kris and is now chasing Brennan through the snow

Me and the boys

Jaxon and his girlfriend Lizzy

Jaxon has decided he likes it!

So I feel like I'm going to have to get over my hate of the cold because my boys are going to want to be outside a lot this winter. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't turn into a popsicle.

Some days you just have to rest....

2008-10-10T19:37:00.001-07:00

Things have been so busy this last year that I haven't had time to breathe let alone blog. Today I planned on my day off from school and babysitting and all that I seem to do lately to clean my house and catch up on my shows, and internet time along with playing with the kids outside. Well, Jaxon and I made it outside for about 2 hours and I managed to do a load of laundry, dishes, and make my bed... then I got the worst migraine I have had in months. It was full on, head pounding, light blinding, noise peircing migraine. I even went to the door at one point to answer it and found myself so dizzy that I came pretty close to passing out. So for the last 5 hours I pretty much layed on the couch and tried not to move.
I finally feel somewhat better and decided to check my email and thought might as well check the blogs I follow too. I'm wiped out and as soon as I finish this blog I'm going to crawl in bed and try to get a good 8 hours of sleep. Tomorrow is two of my friends kids birthday party (they are having it together) plus it is supposed to be our first snowfall. I'm not really looking forward to it, the snow not the birthday party. I'm all for cake and ice cream and my kids being able to play with their best friends. I am just so not looking forward to winter. I makes me want to run away and cover up and not leave my house. However with 2 boys that will tear down my walls if I dont let them outside that is not going to happen. So we will be spending lots of time outside even in the cold and snow. Someone please send us warm thoughts so I don't become a popcicle this year.
So I have 3 weeks left of school. November 4th is my last day of classes. Then I have my externship that starts on the 10th of November. Then on the 21st of November I take my AMT. I'm so nervous about the end of school. I was told several times that there was no way I was going to finish and yet here I am 3 weeks away and to top it off I have a 4.0. It hasn't been easy and I've had to learn to let a lot of things go this year but I've made it. Although I have to say radiology is kicking my butt right now but it's sooo worth it. I love this field and I never thought I would. Yes, people think it's gross to be working in someone else's mouth and I thought that too but now I can't wait to get out there and help people who are in pain and to help keep their smiles healthy. I really owe this all to my friend Leanne. She is the one who got me interested in the dental field. She was going to school when I started and she has just been an inspiration. She loves it. And now I can see why. I just can't wait to go to work doing something I love.
However that brings up another hard thing for me... to leave behind being a stay at home mom. I LOVE being a stay at home mom and I love my kids so much. It will be hard to not be home with them everyday. I want to work part time, that way I can still be home with them as much as possible. So we will see how it goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me and say a prayer for all of us as we make a new transition with our family. It's a big step for all of us.
Anyway, I'm going to head to my comfy bed now! I'll post some new pictures hopefully tomorrow. I have so many new ones! :) goodnight all!

Panic Attacks

2008-09-22T21:35:00.001-07:00

You know I've dealt with depression and other issues of depression all my life, including panic attacks. However, there was always a reason for them... some sort of trigger that I knew of. Lately things have been going okay, not terrible, not great but okay. We are just moving right along and Boom!!! Out of nowhere these awful panic attacks have thrown me to the ground. I'm not having full blown attacks all the time but daily there are times where I can feel my heart beating at break neck speed, and my breath comes faster and I start to shake and come close to tears. And the weird part I HAVE NO IDEA WHY! The last two nights I have had these stupid episodes where I am just paralyzed with anxiety. Last night I was sitting on the couch watching tv when out of nowhere it happened. Tonight I was at school. Just finished giving my presentation for my career prep course when it started again. I think I'm going to be booking my self a doctors appointment in the morning because I can't stand feeling this way. I just don't know how to stop it myself because I don't know why they are happening in the first place. Frustration isn't the word! It's so beyond that. I'm annoyed and scared all at the same time. Something has to be triggering it. Something has to happen to cause this but I'm totally clueless. But what's new right?

We've Come A Long Way Baby!

2008-08-25T11:54:00.001-07:00

Today My Brennan started 2nd grade! Yep that's right he's a 2nd grader. I took him to school and I almost cried. He's growing up. I remember when it was just me and him. I hate that he is getting older. I also hate that he's getting so dang tall. I took him to the store yesterday to buy some school jeans because none of the ones he had last year fit him (6 inches too short!) and he went from a 8 to a 10 over the summer. He doesn't need the 10 in the waist it's the freaking length. Soon he's going to be taller than me. Well Anyway I thought I'd be nostalgic today and post his first day of school pictures for the last 4 years.

Preschool 4 yrs old

First Day of Kindergarten 5 yrs old

First Day of First Grade 6 yrs old

First Day of Second Grade 7 yrs old (Today)

Happy Birthday To Me!

2008-08-11T15:51:00.001-07:00

So today is my 28th birthday. I've had a few suprises. My boys have been amazingly good today. My dear friend Brenda made me brownies this morning and my little bible study group sang happy birthday to me. My brother called to tell me happy birthday... that's a shocker right now. I came home and found some beautiful flowers from my mother in law that I LOVE. So why is it I'm so sad? Well I know why and I wish that I could change it. This morning when I woke up all I wanted was for Ian to be excited and tell me Happy Birthday and to make it special in some way. I'm not saying presents or extravagance. I'm just asking for him to pay attention. Instead I got "Oh by the way, happy birthday" I felt like crying right then and there and the entire day has been pretty much the same. Ian didn't call today, he didn't text, there was no cake or presents or even a card. Material things don't matter to me but I'd really like it if he would have shown that he thought about my birthday, about me. We've had a really hard time lately and it's because I feel invisible and unappreciated. This day hasn't helped. I would have been happy if he woke up this morning and immediately held me kissed me and said happy birthday. But instead it took over an hour for him to acknowledge it at all and that was when my 7 year old came up and said happy birthday Mommy. There was no hugs or kisses from Ian. My heart is just downright broken. I appreciate the little things in life and the fact that there wasn't even a little thought from Ian crushes me. Maybe I'm being stupid. I just feel disconnected and broken right now. And you know what he doesn't even care. He asked me if I was sick a little bit ago before he left for work? Really sick?!? Well I better go get ready for school. I guess it really is just another day. I'm not trying to have a pity party. Just trying to get my frustration and hurt out. Thanks for listening if you did.

Wordless Wednesday~~My Brennan

2008-08-05T22:21:00.001-07:00

for more wordless wednesday, please visit 5 minutes for mom.

Who Needs It More? Me or Jaxon?

2008-08-05T07:57:00.001-07:00

You see it's time. Well, at least everyone else thinks its time and Mommy here isn't so sure. We are embarking on taking away his binkie. Ian really wants to take it from him and is convinced that it will not be hard. However, he is at work for most of the day. He gets him for 4 hours at night when he comes home from work and I leave for school. I'm not saying he's wrong. And part of me knows that he needs to learn to comfort himself. Last night while I was at school Ian put him to bed without a bink. And lo and behold he did just fine. I don't know whether it's because he'd had such a long day and was just too tired to care or that he really didn't need it. So I went through the house this morning and picked up all the binkies and hid them. Ian asked me to try not to give in and give it to him. I'm really going to give this my all. Today I'm going to lunch and to my friend Sarah's house. I hope we make it through because Mommy is going to be brave and not take a just in case one with us at all. I'm so nervous. I don't want a melt down and that's usually when I tend to give in. So I'm not sure who really needs the bink more, me or Jaxon. But I guess I'm willing to give it up so hopefully he will be too? I know this sounds weird but it's a hard transition. My baby is growing up. I can't believe he will be 2 next month. So if we lose the binkie what's next? What else will be able to do? Can't I freeze time and let him stay 22 months forever? It's just not fair. I'm not ready for him to grow up. I guess that's what it all boils down to. Wish me luck. With this transition and my 28th birthday next week Mommy maybe having a nervous breakdown. LOL

Life Is A Crazy Adventure....

2008-07-31T11:24:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel like sometimes life gets in the way of your plans? I sure do all the time. That's why no one has heard from me since April. It's not that I didn't want to blog it's just that I've been so crazy busy. I so need to learn to say NO to people. So in the past few months, I've been going to school (only 4 months left to go) I switched to night classes so it's taking longer, babysitting, key spouse duties, and now I'm co-vice president of the PTA at B's school. We've had some hurdeles a long the way. The friendship that I told you about a while back that I tried to fix fell apart again. Much to my dismay I was betrayed and used once again. I'm too nice for my own good. Ian and I are working things out. We've had some rough spots this year. If you pray please pray for us. We definitely need it. I miss blogging and there is no way to tell you everything that happened since I last posted. But I see my neighbor making her way over here now because I'm babysitting her kiddos. So I better run. More later!

Wordless Wednesday- Best Friend or Pillow?

2008-04-15T21:14:00.001-07:00

for more WW visit 5 Minutes For Mom.

Took A Little Detour....

2008-04-15T20:19:00.001-07:00

In the past few months I've taken a detour. Life got very interesting and pretty scary for a while. But things have finally smoothed out. I have finally gotten through my first semester at school and I have a 4.0!!!! I'm so freaking excited about that. Jaxon has been getting better but he's still had a lot of sick in between. Brennan is becoming a very independent boy. One that I want to hug and shelter half the time and beat the other half. Not really but he is definitely pushing his boundaries. Ian decided to give him a little freedom to ride his bike around the block once in a while. He's no longer allowed to do that. He told me he was going around the block and I couldn't find him for an hour. He was at the park a couple streets away. Angry was NOT the word for it. But he got several priviledges taken away and is still walking a find line. Ian is working like crazy. And now he's the Drug Demand Reduction guy which means he helps with random drug tests on base. Fun stuff.

We found out that his cousin has brain cancer this week. It's pretty sad. He's doing ok but he's taking the boys to Michigan in May... I can't go because I can't miss school. But I am going to see Stomp in June while I'm all by my lonesome!

Today marks the end of another extremely destructive friendship. I'm very proud of myself for letting this one go. I didn't let it get the point that I was stressing and pulling my hair out. I simply packed up her stuff and dropped it off and said goodbye. (She stayed with us for a while.) It's sad and yes it hurts but I can't be a punching bag when stuff goes bad in her life. So I'm moving on. I'm at peace with my decision.

Instead I'm focusing on my good friendships. I'm reading this book called Grown Up Girlfriends and it's basically how to have real Godly friendships and knowing when to let destructive ones go and avoiding them all together. It's very impressive and it's bibacly based.

I've also been reading the rest of the Baxter series. There are three different series on this family Redemption, Firstborn, and Sunrise. By Karen Kingsbury. They are amazing amazing books. I'm reading the 3rd book in the Sunrise series. Life changing.... Check it out!

Well I've got to go study. Tomorrow we are going into the lab and do local anesthetics and I need to make sure I'm ready!!!
Have a fabulous day!

We Are Home....

2008-02-27T08:16:00.001-08:00

Jaxon is doing sooo much better. I don't know what happened but after he stopped breathing he turned a corner. His sats are back up where it's acceptable and he's eating and drinking again, his color is back to normal and he's playing again. It's so nice to have my sweet curious boy back. He is still sick and still has RSV but they think he's going to get better from here on out. He had another ear infection during all of this too. The good news is that the tubes did their jobs and the puss is draining. We are treating it with antibiotic ear drops instead of oral antibiotics. Hopefully we will stay on the up slope and continue to get well. I am ready for spring so maybe my poor little guy can get healthy and stay that way for a while. Well he's getting into stuff again so I better go. :) Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. They mean a lot to me.

The Day From Hell

2008-02-25T23:40:00.001-08:00

so it's 12:41 am and I'm praying that I will be able to lay down and sleep after the day I've had. At this moment, my husband and my baby Jaxon are at Primary Childrens in the Infant Unit. My son, Brennan and Steff's son are at my dear friend Leanne's for the night and Steff and I just got back to my house. You see Jaxon was diagnosed on Sunday with RSV at McKayDee hospital. Today after a very long and stressful day of trying to find the best treatment for Jaxon Steff and I were on our way to Primary Children's with Jaxon. She was sitting in the back seat watching him breathe making sure that he wasn't having too much trouble. I was driving. She said to me to watch the mile markers for her. I didn't think anything of it. The next thing I knew she said I needed to pull over. Then quickly she said that I needed to dial 911. I pulled over to the side of the road and threw my car into park... I hadn't even stopped yet. I tried to dial 911 but I somehow hit the wrong buttons and called someone else. I was shaking so bad. You see Jaxon had stopped breathing and my dear friend Stephanie was giving my precious boy CPR in the back seat of my car. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even talk tot he operator. Steff took it from me and talked with her. A few minutes later she had him breathing again and the paramedics had arrived. They put me and Jaxon into the ambulance and rushed us to Primary. The funny thing is Jaxon started doing so much better after that. They admitted him because of his apnea episode. Ian very sternly convinced me that I needed to come home and get some rest because I hadn't slept in days and that I would be no good if J's hospital stay lasts longer than a day. He is currently sleeping in a double room on a too small bed, in his pepboys uniform. Thank GOD for the amazing people for my life. My best friend who saved my baby's life, My husband who got the scariest phone call of his life today and still made it to take care of me and my son... and friends like Leanne for making sure I didn't have to worry about my oldest in the midst of all this mess and for Nathan, Steff's boyfriend, who came to the hospital just to make sure we didn't need anything and to make sure that we were ok. I can't thank the Lord enough for having his hand in all of it. Please say a prayer for my baby that this was a one time episode and that he will be on the uphill on his way to getting better. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks!

I'm A Slacker! I Admit It!

2008-02-21T19:07:00.001-08:00

Well blogwise anyway! LOL Yes I've been MIA off and on and it's not because I don't truly enjoy my blog world or my bloggy friends I just truly have a hard time breaking away from real life lately to blog about it. Crazy I know! But since I know you are dying to know what's been keeping me from telling you all about my excitement lately, I'll update you! :)

First as you all know I recently parted ways with two friends. This was very hard for me and I've been struggling with it. But I know that it's the best thing. I read today that sometimes you have to have the "props" knocked out from under you so that you learn to lean on God. Boy has that been a true statement for me.

Second my mom came and we had a great visit. She even went with me to get Jaxon's very first hair cut. He was such a big boy! Sat there and got all his little curls cut off. It was so hard for me because those curls are the only thing that survived the NICU. But he can't keep those curls forever and it was driving me insane that his hair was hanging over his ears. So here is some pictures from his big boy hair cut! :)

Next I said goodbye to one of my dearest friends, Kim. They PCS'd from Hill and are headed overseas. This was so hard for me. They lived right across the street from me so it definitely still gets me when I look across the street and there isn't anyone over there. Well, any of Kim's family anyway. I got to watch Baby Joey for a little while right before they left and him and Jaxon had a very good time being silly boys together. :) Here's some cute pics from that day!

Ian and I managed one night out together. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and then we met Ian's friends at Bogeys. We had a good time. Here's the only shot of me and Ian that night. It was pretty silly looking but what can I say that's us!

Then I think it was the next morning Jaxon woke up and began to throw up. He couldn't stop. Then he just got very sleepy and wouldn't do anything but lay there. He was also running a fever. So I took him into Primary Childrens and they admitted us overnight to the RTU (Rapid Treatment Unit) because he was dehydrated and wasn't perking up with his IV fluids. I was completely exhausted but the good news was that the next day, after lots of IV fluids and the throwing up finally stopping, he was much better and we were able to go home.

So we came home on Sunday. Tuesday was Brennan's 7th Birthday and Jaxon's appointment with the ENT. So we got up and took J to the ENT and they scheduled him for tubes on Wednesday. (Yes the NEXT day!) So after the ENT I had some other errands to run. Then I grabbed some cupcakes from the store to take to Brennan's class. I went home and fought with Tricare most of the afternoon to make sure they would cover the surgery. UGH it was literally a struggle. Finally that afternoon I got the answers I needed and so I got to enjoy the rest of Brennan's birthday. We made taco's for dinner and had mini ice cream cups for dessert!

The next morning we took Jaxon to the surgery center for his tubes. It went very well and only took like 15 minutes. He wasn't too happy when he woke up though. But I'm hoping that there won't be anymore ear infections.

So we made it through those obstacles and we got to have fun at Classic Fun Center on Saturday for Brennan's birthday party. We all got to skate, bounce, eat cake! Lots of fun!

Me skating with Jaxon in his stroller!

Brennan blowing out his birthday candles on his transformer cake!

He got a ton of new toys, transformers and power rangers seemed to be the theme!

Brennan and Mommy

Jaxon was wiped out from the party!

Well there has been other stuff going on but those are the most important high lights. I have orientation on the 29th for school and I start March 3rd. Wish me luck! I'm so nervous about going back to school. Hugs, Denise

Please Pray for Jaxon

2008-02-09T19:22:00.001-08:00

Hey guys. just wanted to let you all know that Jaxon has been admitted to Primary Childrens hospital. He's been very sick for the last month with one thing or another so today he woke up and puked and didn't stop. We came to the hospital and they said that he is dehydrated and can't keep fluids down. He is on an IV and antibiotics. We should *only* be here for the night. Thats if he's doing better tomorrow. And poor Brennan is having flash backs from the last hospital stay J had. I am so tired. I just want my angel to be healthy for once! Anyway I better run and get back downstairs. Ian needs to go home and be with Brennan. He's in the room with J so that I could eat dinner and have a few minutes to myself since we have been here all day already. I will keep you updated. Hugs, Denise

GOING BACK TO SCHOOL

2008-02-08T10:02:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read that right! I am going to be going back to school. I just enrolled today at CCI for the Dental Assisting program! I have to go back on Tuesday for my financial aid paperwork but I am SO excited!!!! My friend Leanne already goes there and she is bouncing off the walls about me joining her. I'm so excited. I start March 24th! Can you believe it???? A little over a month! WOW! Ok off to celebrate with Stephanie at Starbucks!!! Later!

Wordless Wednesday~~ Future NBA Star

2008-01-30T08:45:00.001-08:00

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 minutes for mom.

Wordless Wednesday~ My Mom

2008-01-23T07:18:00.001-08:00

For more WW visit 5 minutes for mom!

The Yada Yada Prayer Group Series

2008-01-21T07:11:00.001-08:00

I have a love relationship with a set of books I started readinga few years ago. The Yada Yada Prayer Group! They are incredibly uplifting and although Christian fiction, they tackle some very tough subjects. I'm reading the 5th book in the series now. The Yada Yada Prayer Group Gets Caught. I love these books so much. I feel as though the Lord is speaking right to my heart through them. He's made me realize some things through the scriptures throughout the book and convicted me and touched my heart with situations in the books. It's been like this since the first time I opened the first book. These group of ladies - Jodi, Avis, Adele, Yo Yo, Ruth, Florida, Delores, Nony, Hoshi, Edesa, Chanda, and the newest addition Becky- relate to so much of myself. Their struggles, their thoughts. I feel as though they are part of me. Like they are my group of friends. I feel as though Netta Jackson reached in and took pieces of me (my personality) out and put them into these amazing women. I wonder how many others who have read the series feel this way.

One of the things that spoke to me throughout the entire series was the fact of on the spot prayer. In the moment. The Bible says (I'm paraphrasing here) that we should be in prayer constantly, never ceasing, and to not be anxious in anything but to take our worries to the Lord with thanksgiving. This hit me hard. I've been known to say I will pray and half the time I can honestly say that I do but not always. And I'm truly sad about that fact. But I need to keep myself in that constant conversation with the Lord and when I say I will pray I need to do it right then. Whether it be I feel I need to pray for something or if someone asks me to pray. I need to do it at that moment whether it's on the phone, in person, email, blog, myspace, or just walking through the grocery store and see a stressed out mom with a toddler screaming. I don't need to know what the need is or who the person is. That's what Our God is for. He's big enough for all of us. He's God All By Himself!

Last night while I was reading she brought up a verse in the first chapter of James. I had to look it up but it's James 1:5. It says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him." What a reminder! I don't believe I ask God what to do in all of my areas of life. It hit me hard and I realized I lack wisdom in so much. That I should always be seeking Gods purpose, not my own. What an amazing verse! It's just a gentle reminder to bring it to God.

Another thing that spoke to me was this: "...it's important to respect differences, that violence was never the way to solve problems, that "tolerance" didn't mean everybody had to agree about everything, that in fact "tolerance" was most important when you disagreed with someone."

WOW! Here she was talking about teachable moments and let me tell this was seriously one for me. This is something I've been struggling with for a while in my own life. Serious hurts can come from intolerance. And this sentence just spoke to me about a situation in heart right now. Someone I believe was a friend is no longer speaking to me because she disagreed with me. It's been very heavy on my heart. And this ONE sentence made me realize that it was simply intolerance and that BOTH of us was guilty of it. See what I mean about God speaking to me through these books. There are always teachable moments. God is definitely using anything HE can and wants to speak right to my heart. It's also a reminder of how very blessed we are to have such an amazing God.

New Me for a New Year

2008-01-19T10:02:00.001-08:00

Staying on the topic of New Years I did something drastic! My mommy came into town last Tuesday and we've had a blast so far. Yesterday was her 50th Birthday! So we went to the salon and got some new do's. I'm going to give some before and afters here.

We were across the salon from one another and had no idea the other decided to cut their hair off! I cut at least 6 full inches off of mine. Which is a lot considering. I also had my hair colored to a golden brown with some high lights at the front. I LOVE IT. My mom got blonde high lights and a very cute cut. NO our cuts are not the same. But I love them both. So happy 50th Birthday Momma! I love you. Hope you had a good birthday!

New Start

2008-01-15T07:38:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I felt as if the wind kept getting knocked out of me. I was told some things that have been said about me and they were awful and harsh. I recieved an email that on the outside might look like a nice email just pointing out a few things that was wrong with me. By the time I went to bed last night I was ready to give up. I was ready to believe the things said about me. I was ready to believe that I am in general the worst Mother, Wife, Friend, Person in the universe. But I also talked to a friend last night and she said NO DON'T! Those were her words. The words I kept hearing all night long. I felt as if she were telling me don't believe those things they aren't true. Don't give up. Don't let them win. And all she said was NO DON'T. I am not an awful person. I have an amazing heart and it's a heart on fire for God. It's a heart that is in love with her children and one that's willing to do anything to make her children's lives better. It's a heart that helps my friends in need, and loves unconditionally. It's a heart that no matter what was said or who said them it does not hate. It hurts and feels broken but it forgives. This heart is mine and I am proud of it. I am not a bad friend and I am always there for my friends in need or just to hang out. I am always there for my children and I take very good care of them. I am NOT unstable, too emotional, a liar, or any of the other things that are being said about me. I do not use my fibromyalgia as an excuse for anything. Yes I have chronic every day pain but I'm managing it and I get up every morning, clean my house, take care of my family and I do it all while being in constant pain. If you don't have fibromyalgia then you will never completely understand and if you think that it's just an excuse for anything or that it's not real I would love for you to walk in my shoes even for a day. You'd give them back in about 10 minutes. Trust me. Am I angry? Yes I believe I am. Am I hurt? To the very core. Am I willing to forgive? Yes absolutely. Am I ready to move on in my life? Absolutely. I'm closing a chapter in my life. I'm forgiving but I'm not going to do it anymore. I won't allow myself to be hurt by these people ever again. I know I'm a good mom, wife, and friend. No I am not perfect and I have many flaws and I make mistakes. But I'm ok with that. Truly I am. I can't believe what other people say. Today is a new day. A new start. Today is going to be busy but it's going to be nice. I'm going to see my Mom today for the first time in almost a year. I miss her and I'm so excited. She and I have had our ups and downs and truly things when I was growing up aren't great and they aren't great now but I am certain that my Mom loves me and that when I call her she's there for me. So I'm going to do my errands and go to my appointments and I'm going to do the things that need to get done but I'm also going to the airport to pick up my mom and then we are going out to Red Robin for dinner. It's going to be great! Thanks Lisa for the encouraging words last night. I will think to myself NO DON'T when I feel ready to give up or believe wrong things. Have a wonderful day everyone. I know I'm going to! :)

It Has Been An Interesting Start To The New Year

2008-01-14T07:49:00.001-08:00

2008 was supposed to be way better than 2007. So far it's been a hard year. On New Years day I fell and sprained my knee and bruised myself completely arms and leg. Not a pretty sight. Then Ian and I have been trying to figure out to get our marriage back on track. Things have been very hard between us lately. A lot of fighting and frustration. It came to a head a couple days after New Years and I decided I was going to go back home. I just couldn't handle anymore. I went to my friends with my plan and they weren't as supportive as I'd hoped they'd be. Instead of being there for me they decided to find as many ways as they could of telling me how wrong I was. One even went as far as telling me that I wouldn't be able to handle being a single mom. I was too overly emotional. This eventually led to a huge blow up between the two of us. I mean how can you say that to someone? It crushed me to the core. She was also mad that she'd given me so much advice and I wasn't taking any of it. Well isn't that the point of advice for me to hear it and decide whether to take it or not. A few days later things started to even out for me. And Ian and I were still trying to figure things out. When during a conversation he tells me that he talked to this friend. That she asked him to come move a box for her and that when he got there they asked him to sit down. The other friend that I confided in about this situation was also present during this "talk." He didn't get a chance to tell me what was said due to the fact that he had to get to work but he did tell me that it had been a few days before I found out. I was furious! I mean what right did they have? And why didn't one of the three of them tell me about this conversation. I mean Ian could have and didn't. The friend who was there during the conversation had spent the previous day with me and didn't say a word and the person who constructed the whole conversation sure didn't tell me. I called the other friend who had been there and asked her to come by so we could talk. I told her that I'd found out about the conversation and that while I was upset about it (she immediately got defensive and started to raise her voice.) And well that's basically where we ended our conversation because she began to yell at me and I was so pissed off by this point that I started yelling back. She attacked my character and told me that she agreed with what the other friend said and then implied that my other friend (who had stuck by me through all of this mess) had also said she'd agreed with these two others. Well that friend also happened to be at my house at that time and I called her into the room and flat out asked her what had been said and she said the same thing she'd said the whole time and of course the one trying to stir the pot immediately back pedaled. She got mad that she got caught and began to scream again and finally asked for a book that I'd borrowed that I was in the middle of reading. Well that pissed me off even more and I said for her to take it and never come back and she stomped to my front door screaming mean things the whole way and I slammed the door in her face. She apparently then used profanities at the top of her voice outside my house and then left. I sat down in the middle of the floor and fell apart. I mean how could two people who were supposedly so close to me cause me so much pain? How could they believe such terrible things about me? How could they attack my character and my motherhood. How do you do that and say that you love and care about that person? What's worse is that I even started to believe the things these people said about me. And I sent an email the one that stormed out of my house and apologized for yelling at her and telling her to never come back. Do you think that she accepted my apology? Nope infact she threw it back in my face and said I'd betrayed her! I mean seriously you stick your nose into MY marriage and don't tell me and say horrible things about me including my character and my mothering and so much else and I betrayed YOU? I mean come on. Ian and I talked about it and his advice to me was screw them. Let's move on and live our life and try to focus on our marriage and our family because obviously they weren't true friends to begin with. I'm taking this to heart. I'm seriously going to move on. I figured I'd purge my frustration here and then I'd start new. Oh and another thing that happened was that I had an ingrown toenail and it got so infected that it hurt to walk. I had to have half my toenail cut out. It was gross and the tech that was in the room with me turned white and had to leave the room before he passed out. But I'm starting new. From today the rest of 2008 is going to be good. I'm going to make sure that it is. And if bad stuff happens I'm going to hand it over to God and let Him take care of it. Ian and I are actively trying to right our wrongs and get back to the two people who loved each other more than anything. My mommy is coming to visit tomorrow. I haven't seen her since April of last year and I miss her something awful. We are going to have a great visit and I'm going to enjoy my Mom's presence and watching her play with her grandkids and lavish in her amazing cooking. Things are definitely looking up! I'll keep you posted. :)

Jaxon's First Snow Play~ Not So Wordless Wednesday

2008-01-09T07:34:00.001-08:00

So if you live in Utah then you know that as I type we are getting pounded with snow. Usually when it snows here it snows one day and then within a few days it starts to melt. This year we have had many days of snow one on top of the other. It's caused quite a buildup in my yard. I'm from South Carolina and if you live there you know that it hardly ever snows and if it does it's a light mist and that's it. So this is the first major snow I've ever seen. It's causing me a little worry but I'm sure we'll be fine. The rest of you probably think this is nothing! LOL Anyway so I decided to take Jaxon out into the snow a few days ago to see what he thought. It was very interesting. :)

Here is Jaxon in his snow suit for the very first time!

Putting his coat on! He's so not sure about this!

All ready to go! I think!

Jaxon in Brennan's inflatable disc for sledding... No he wasn't sledding he was in our front yard! Photo Op you know?

Here is Jaxon in the actual snow. As you can see he did not like it so much! It was um cold I think! He's definitely my child. I'm not a huge fan of snow either!

This is my snow baby! Brennan LOVES snow!

This is the best picture I got that day. Jaxon just didn't like it. But he calmed down when Bubba held him. These boys are the reason my world goes round. :) So that is Jaxon's first time playing in the snow. Living in Utah this wont be the last. Maybe he'll like it better next time! A girl can hope!

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T09:29:00.001-08:00

So for a while I've been trying to think of the typical new years post. You know the standard resolutions. And while I've thought of several resolutions I realized that one thing I haven't done is be consistent. That's right I start things and never finish them. I am not sure why I do this. I think I just overcommit myself to doing too much and just forget. I've decided that I'd really like to try to change this. They say a new habit sticks if you do it for 21 days straight. Do you think this will work for my overcommitted, procrastinating, inconsistent self? I hope so. There are several things I'd like to do this year. Not really resolutions just goals. I'd like to be able to get my house in order and feel like it is tidy for the most part all of the time. I'd like to go on a girls weekend with my girlfriends. I'd like to take a trip with my family somewhere and just have fun. I'd like to be able to say no to some things that I just don't think I can do. I'd like to read a book a month. I love to read and some times I just feel like there isn't time to read. Then I get stuck on a series and can't find time to finish them. So my goal is a book a month! Right now I'm reading the second book in the Twilight series. Amazing! I'd like to be consistent with my blog and keeping up with old friends as well as my new friends. I think I might also try the mommy and me yoga class at the gym here on base. My goal is to at least check it out! :) So there they are. My thoughts.

And just so everyone knows that the reason my New Years post is a day late is that I stupidly slipped on the ice and sprained my knee and bruised both arms and legs pretty good. I'm pretty sore but at least nothing is broken. Craziness I know. What can I say????

Wordless Wednesday~Jaxon's Big News~

2008-01-01T23:31:00.001-08:00

Wordless Wednesday

2007-12-19T07:48:00.001-08:00

For more wordless wednesday visit 5 minutes for mom.

Recovering

2007-12-13T17:46:00.001-08:00

Hi Everyone. Just wanted to drop a really quick update and let you all know that I'm doing ok. My surgery went very well for my prolapsed bladder. I am very sore and I'm unable to do anything other than sit or lie down right now. I hope you all are doing well. I will be back soon! :)

Wordless Wednesday

2007-12-05T07:50:00.001-08:00

For more WW visit 5 minutes for mom.

Update

2007-12-03T08:31:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone! I swear things have just been crazy busy since I last posted. There was thanksgiving stuff to do, and I of course hosted that. It was such a great day. Lots of friends who are like family and a ton of good food. YUM! Thinking about it makes me want to eat all over again! LOL. Anyway, I've also been volunteering at the school for the PTA. Helping out where I can. Brennan got all A's on his report card. Talk about a proud mommy!!!!! That's me! Also, trying to get everything squared away before I have my surgery. I should hear back on that today. Jaxon's PT and OT are going very well. We are working on walking. He's walking with his walking toy now and it's sooo fun to watch. I'm waiting patiently for him to take those first few steps by himself. He's talking so much lately. I can actually understand real words here and there. It's so fun! My boys are just the light of my life and they keep me busy and amazed every single day.

My mother in law, Sue, came down Wednesday night from Michigan. We had a blast shopping and hanging out. She brought me this beautiful necklace that is all one piece, has a mom, dad and two kids holding hands in heart formation. It's incredible. When I am able I will take a picture to show it off. We had this crazy snow storm that started on Friday and it's beautiful here but sooo cold. We went up to Heber city and rode the polar express. OMG talk about fun! It was such a great experience. We rode on the Heber Creeper, this super old steam engine. It was all decked out for Christmas. We had the conductor, the chef's, the elfs, and of course the guy who was on top of the train in the book. It was so much fun. We had hot chocolate and cookies and sang Christmas carol's, read the polar express book, heard the elf's tell jokes, and had a visit from Santa himself. He gave out sleigh bells for those who believed. Mrs. Claus came to visit also. She passed out her cookie recipe's. We took that train all the way to the North Pole and back! It was a blast. My kids had so much fun. To top it off it was snowing so hard that night and it just made it that much more magical. I have pictures but I can't download them to my computer because they were taken on my MIL's camera as mine is broken (heartbroken about this too!!) So hopefully I will be able to do that today so I can share.

I better go. My MIL left this morning and I have to clean up some and head out to buy my husbands christmas present while it's on sale. Just wanted to let everyone know we are doing ok, just been busy. :)

DISCLAIMER~ Sort Of

2007-11-21T15:31:00.001-08:00

OK so this is how it is and yes you may think I'm being rude or mean but that's your problem. This is MY blog. Not anyone elses. My thoughts, my opinions, my LIFE! If you disagree, that's your right. You will not however come onto my blog and leave ugly comments. I don't agree with everything I read on blogs but that doesn't mean I'm rude to the writer of that blog. If you have problem with something I have written by all means you may let me know. There are ways to be polite and get your point across. If you don't like what I have written you can also just NOT READ my blog! Plain and simple. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!

Now if you are regular reader, I apologize for my outburst so to speak but I had someone be ugly in the comments of one of my posts. The worst part is that they did so anonymously so they didn't have to deal with my reply back. Not that I would have been ugly but I'm tired of people thinking they can do whatever they want to whomever they want. Thanks, Denise

Ugh.... Mondays!!!

2007-11-19T14:56:00.001-08:00

This weekend my wonderful 14 month old, Jaxon, learned to give Mommy kisses. The only place he'll give kisses is on the mouth. I'm not exactly sure why but I was excited that he wanted to give me kisses so I just went with it! Unfortunately that's not all Jaxon gave Mommy this weekend. Those wonderful kisses came with a not so wonderful cold! That's right! Runny and stuffy nose depending on the minute, congestion and a sore throat and cough. So I cleaned my house this weekend and didn't do much else. Especially since I didn't feel good at all.

Yesterday all I did was be a bum, watch tv with my kiddos, supervised Brennan making banana pudding for the first time ever (pictures to follow shortly) and played a couple games of sorry with him that I did not win! Brennan was pretty proud of these victories. So last night while waiting for my darling husband to get off work I made my babies a delicious meal of chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and peas and carrots! Not too bad I thought to myself! I was playing canasta online with my cousin Krystal and she told me that she was having croissants. This of course made me want some! So half way through my babies meal I made croissants. Brennan ADORES croissants.... So I told him that after he ate all of his dinner he would be able to have one. Now I may be the only mommy here who feels like I shouldn't have to supervise my 6 year old eating dinner every single night. Yes we have family meals but last night was casual since Ian was at work! Brennan came and told me that he ate all his dinner and could he please have a croissant. Well of course I gave him two! He ate all his dinner including his vegetables (his plate was in the sink and it was clean!) so I was happy to oblige. So a little while later Jaxon finishes eating and he is just a mess. Complete mess. He only had a diaper on since he has a yeast infection and Mommy has been giving him nakie baby time so his little bottom will heal. So before dinner I put a diaper on him so that he wouldn't potty in his high chair. But that's another story. Anyway so he's a mess and I need to put him in the tub. So I go into the bathroom to run his bath water and what do I see???? Oh yes you guessed it. There in and all around the bathroom trash can was my 6 year olds dinner. Angry was not even the word for what I was. I started the bath water and I walked into the living room and as calmly as I could told Brennan to go clean his room and brush his teeth. He said why? I said because you lied to mommy and since I'm too angry to spank you right now, you are going to get ready for bed and you will be going to bed right after your bath! He was not happy about this and it was only 6:30 but seriously I was just ready to box him up and send him to my moms! (Not really but you know!) And he did just that, went to bed at 6:50 last night.

So after Jaxon played for a while in the bath and I got him all dressed and ready for bed, I tucked him in also. Ian came home and I made the two of us pork chop salad for dinner. YUM!

Apparently Jaxon woke up at 4:00 am this morning, screaming. I was so exhausted I didn't hear him like I usually do. Ian did and got up with him. Now typically I get up with him whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night, change him, give him a sip of water, and tuck his bum back in bed. Ian however did not do this. Ian got up with him and stayed up. So at 6:30 I had a little baby boy playing with things on my night stand since Ian was getting ready to go to PT. I get up and put him back to bed. He shouldn't have been allowed up and playing at that hour anyway! I walk back into the bedroom and Ian fusses at me for putting him back in bed. He says just get up with him! No I'm sorry I don't think so. So I went back to sleep. At 7 Brennan came in and woke me up. I told him to go watch cartoons. I went back to sleep. He woke me up again at 7:30 and I figured sleep for the sick mommy just wasn't gonna happen. So I got up and made his lunch, packed his book bag and made breakfast for Jaxon. It wasn't even close to time for him to go to school. UGH!!!!

Anyway so he eventually goes to school and I put Jaxon in his crib so I could shower. I had my appointment for my cystoscopy today. NOT FUN!!! I was nervous about it. Rachiell, on of my nearest and dearest, when with me and held my hand. After the procedure, we went into the office and discussed what was going to happen. The verdict is that I will have to something called a SPARK done. Now these letters stand for some seriously big words but basically I'm having surgery on my bladder.... in the next two weeks. The best part is that it will be an outpatient surgery and that it will take about 6 weeks to fully heal. During this time I'm not allowed to do any kind of exerting activities nor pick up anything heavy! UM hello I have a 14 month old and a husband with a job and a part time job, and NO family here in Utah. Not to mention my house will need to be cleaned cause I can't stand a dirty house and Brennan has school and other stuff going on.

So after that ordeal in the doctors office, Rachiell and I got Jaxon and went out to Mimi's Cafe for lunch! I LOVE this place. It's sooo yummy. It's so like a french cafe and it's soo cute. I was going to take a picture of it but I had my hands full so I will do it next time we go there.

I came home and gave J a nap and balanced my check book and paid my bills. Then it was time for me to pick up Brennan from school. So I get in the car and drive to the stupid car rider line. Now here's the thing. The school is not on the base but it backs up to the base. And there is a paved lot behind the school on the base that a guard mans during the times school lets in and out. Last year we were able to park in the middle of this lot and the people who just waited in their cars for their kids did so around the parking lot circle. This year they changed it. Now it is 3 lanes and you are not allowed to park in the circle. You drive into the lanes and park until school gets out. Rules are the kids go to the only opening in the gate and wait with a teacher until their car gets there. Parents are not allowed to get out of their cars. The last few weeks though have been crazy. Parents pull into the car rider line and park. They are in the middle of the circle somewhere and park their car and get out. The walk all the way to the front of the line where the kids are waiting get their kid and walk back to their cars. During this time the front of the line has left the circle and can you guess what happens??? Yep that's right! The line is backed up waiting for whoever to get their kid in the car, buckled up, and get back into the car themselves and pull away! I was quite frustrated today as the kids brought their fundraising stuff home today and my poor baby was carrying this huge box and standing in at that gate for 20 minutes while about 3 or 4 cars did this. Of course I couldn't break the rules and get out of my car and help him since I had Jaxon in the car and that would have just caused it to back up even more. So finally I'm sitting behind this last car that I watched her get out of her car as the people in front of her drove away. There was NO ONE in front of her yet she still got out and walked over to the kids. I'm like I'm going around. So I pull into the third lane and I stop dead in front of the gate where the kids are. I sit there and this teacher and Brennan walk up to the car. He tried to put my 6 year old in the FRONT seat. So I said no he has to get in the back in his booster seat. He cops an attitude with me and says as rude as he can be. Next time don't park in the third lane. It's for passing only! I was furious!!! I did not put my car in park, I did not turn the ignition off, I did not unbuckle my seat belt and get out.... but this jerk actually had the NERVE to be rude to me when all of these other parents were clearly and blatantly breaking the rules. So I get home and I immediately call the school and leave a voice mail for the principal. When Principal B called me back I told him how very unhappy I was with the situation and that there was NO reason for the ugliness that the teacher gave me. And that if they were going to have these rules then they needed to enforce them for ALL parents and the safety of the children not just be rude to one! He said he'd handle it. I expect that there will be some more security forces in the circle tomorrow as he said he was going to call the commander and ask that they have more there to enforce these rules they have set up. Personally it's a crock and I liked the way they had it last year. It wasn't so much chaos.

Anyway, my rant is over. Jaxon is screaming so I better go get him.

Flaunt It Friday~~ From the Desk of Denise....

2007-11-16T07:12:00.001-08:00

So Flaunt It Friday was so much fun last week that we're doing it again! This weeks theme is From the Desk of.... Show your work space. So here is my work space.... it's a desk top computer and my desk is semi organized and I'm surrounded by the photos of my loved ones for inspiration. There is a Mug with my name on it that holds my pens from my senior year of high school~ It reminds me of how hard I worked. The pile to my left is Brennan's school work and library books. the pile to my right is Ian's military stuff and my good mail stuff. There is also duct tape because we had to tape the wheels of Jaxon's walk n ride toy until he gets the hang of standing with it (per his physical therapist.) There are some mcdonalds beanie baby toys I've had since I worked at McDonalds in high school. There's spiral notebooks everywhere since I like to make lists everyday. There's notecards, pads of paper, bible study dvd's, Brennan's vocabulary cards. My flylady calendar and pictures of my kids still in the packages. This is where I spend my time when my Jaxon is sleeping and Brennan is playing. It's in the living room so I try to keep it as neat as possible since you can see it when you are in my home. This is a little peak into my world both cyber and real... I wonder what you think it says about me? Leave me a comment and let me know what you think! :)

Also here is my challenge to you..... Head on over to TheMommyKelly and join us if you dare. Show us your work space..... It's fun getting to know people through how they live!

Wordless Wednesday~Best Friends~ The Denise's

2007-11-14T07:54:00.001-08:00

Ok so it's not so wordless today! This is "The Denise's" as we're called! I'm the one in the grey shirt and she is the one in the blue. She is one of my best friends and I love her dearly. I usually share pics of my kids but I just thought I'd show one of my favorites of myself and Denise. :)

For more wordless wednesday check out 5 minutes for mom!

Some Thoughts

2007-11-12T19:24:00.001-08:00

I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head and I thought it'd be a good idea to maybe try to get them out. I'm feeling a little stressed lately. Nothing like the depression I was in, just worrying about everyone I know. It's like people pop in my head and I start thinking about whatever situation they are in and how I can be there for them or what I can do to help. It's not just that either, I can't say no to people when they ask me to do things. I also can't seem to stand up for myself. Which is so odd because I never had a problem with this until I moved here to Utah. I've had some serious doubts regarding myself, my parenting, my friendships, my relationship with my husband and my family. The problem with this is I end up letting other people dictate what I do or what I say. This is very frustrating for me. Why am I so afraid to stand up for myself and put an end to people hurting me? Am I so afraid to be alone and have no one? This is all in my head since I know I have wonderful people in my life who are there no matter what. It's just that these few people who take sooo much, give so little, and question everything I do cause me to doubt myself. I want to be a better person. I want to have a heart like Jesus. I want to be able to serve and not hurt from it. I'm the type of person who even if you hurt me the worst and turn your back on me, if you need me I'm there. It doesn't seem to matter what they did to me either. This has happened all my life. There are things that happened when I was young I still struggle with daily. There is always this love hate thing going on inside me. I hold true to once I love you, I will love you always. Does that mean that I like the people that I love? Not always. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it's just so true. It feels like my heart is so hurt and every time it starts to heal someone else comes by and rips open again. It doesn't even have to be a little thing. I feel like I start all over with the progress I've made every time this happens. I want more than anything to heal all of this broken stuff inside me so I can be healthy and happy and be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend I can be. I just don't know how. One day I'll figure it out. Everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew what it was. If you've read this thank you for reading my ramblings. I just needed to get it out. :)

Overwhelming Projects!

2007-11-10T18:13:00.001-08:00

So this evening my husband, Ian, took Brennan (my 6 year old) to his first ever hockey game. Jaxon is sound asleep in his crib. And instead of resting peacefully, catching up on some television shows that have been taped for a week or two, what is Mommy doing? Well she started dusting the living room. Which led to moving the bookshelf out of the living room and into the bedroom. Which led to moving the bedroom furniture to make room for it. And of course if you move furniture you have to vacuum and sweep. So that led to reorganizing my file cabinet and my plastic three drawer thingy (I don't know what they are called.) Then I needed something to put all the construction paper and crayons in and remembered there was a plastic bin just right in the storage closet in the hall. So that's right you guessed it, I dragged everything out of the closet to find it. Now I have a dusted living room full of books, and a hallway and kitchen that is now filled with junk! My room is going to be dusted shortly so I can put all of the books away before I go to bed. I can't let Jaxon play in the living room with books everywhere. And of course in order to get into my bedroom I have clean up the mess that is the closet. And I am sitting here at the computer praying that if I just close my eyes real tight and reopen them slowly everything will be put away nice and neat and I can rest! So here we go...

Closing eyes real tight!

Now reopening them real slowly!

Crap! It didn't work! Oh well if anyone needs me I'll be in the mountain of stuff in the hallway. If no one hears from me for a few hours please call my husband and tell him to rescue me. Just tell him the storage closet ate me for dinner!

Flaunt It Friday~ Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

2007-11-10T09:11:00.001-08:00

So the mommy kelly at Taken With A Grain Of Salt is hosting a brand new Meme of her very own creation. It's called Flaunt it Friday! The theme this week is let the cat out of the bag. She is interested in seeing what everyone carries around in their bags. It's turned out to be quite the expirement so far. Anyway, I'm a day late on this as I just couldn't get onto blogger yesterday but I still wanted to participate! So here are my bags and the mess that's in them!

I usually stuff all of that into the diaper bag because I hate to carry around more than one bag right now since I'm still carrying Jaxon everywhere. Here's the contents:

diapers, wipes, diaper changing pad, bibs, burp clothes, diaper trash bags, powder, diaper rash cream, infants tylenol and motrin, toys, paci's and paci holders, snack cups and various snacks, camera and camera bag, extra outfit for J, calendar, check book, wallet, Mary Kay pouch with lip gloss and lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner, satin lip balm, tampon holder, panty liners, cell phone, keys, military id card, hand sanitizer, pens and pencils, receipts, business cards...

There's a lot that isn't there too. Like my water bottle, two cups for J, more snacks, burp clothes, and a blanket. That's what I add to it daily. If I'm not taking J with me anywhere I put all my essentials into my purse. So there you have it! And yes I'm sure everyone is wondering how I get ALL that into that small bag! Verrrry carefully! Later!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-11-07T09:29:00.001-08:00

for more wordless wednesday, visit 5 minutes for mom!

Time Change Sucks!!!

2007-11-05T05:46:00.001-08:00

As I sit here typing this little vent it is 6:46 am. And BOTH of my children are awake. Now granted I do have a doctors appointment at 9 but still before 7?? Seriously? UGH. They usually sleep until at least 7:30 or 8. I'm sooo tired. Anyway, I better go get a shower and try to wake up. I still have to install our big boy car seat before we go. Wish me luck. That thing rear facing in my tiny car actually kind of scares me! LOL. Anyway, off to take a hot shower and load up on caffeine. We have a busy day today. :)

My Big Mouth

2007-11-04T19:15:00.001-08:00

So I seem to have this problem with my big mouth. It can get me into a lot of trouble sometimes. Occasionally I will say things and think why did I say that? And pray that no one will take it the wrong way. Sometimes I speak before I think. I try really hard to be respectful of people and their feelings and if I'm saying something I know might be hurtful if it comes across wrong I try to explain what I'm trying to say. Unfortunately this doesn't alleviate this problem. Friday night I went to our squadron's social which was bunko. I LOVE this game. It's so much fun and I adore the ladies in our squadron. They are all wonderful people.

Let me give you a little background info. I have a hard time saying no to people. If someone asks me to do something I usually do it even if I really don't want to. Now there are a lot of things I say yes to because I really want to do them. Anyway, I wanted to take more responsibility in our squadron social group and I stepped up to the plate to do a few things like run the meals on wheels program, giving out baby gifts, treasurer of the group, and a few other things here and there. Then I was asked to become the Key Spouse of our squadron. I was so excited and honored to get this position. I still really want to do this. However some of the other things I've been doing I'm getting burnt out on. Not that they are hard but it seems like there is something new to do for the squadron daily, not to mention my key spouse duties. So at bunko Friday night I said that we were looking for someone to take one or two things off my plate because I was getting a little burnt out. Now I don't know that I said anything "wrong" exactly but I was told that I probably shouldn't have said that. It really started to bother me, thinking that I said something I shouldn't have. It's just that in truth, I'm sooo busy lately and it's wearing me down. It's not just stuff for the squadron. It's church stuff, Brennan's stuff, Jaxon's stuff, squadron stuff, stuff for friends, and then on top of it all Ian works a second job so he's not home a lot and then I try to add stuff in there for me once in a while. My time management really hasn't been the greatest lately. Usually I'm super organized and things run smoothly. However lately it's been all overwhelming and my housework is falling behind, friendships are falling behind, and I'm just plain old tired. So my big mouth might have gotten me into trouble. I really hope the ladies in the squadron don't think that I resent doing things for them. It's not that. I just really need to regroup and cut some things out so I'm not stressed out. There are things I can't cut out in my life like doctors appointments, jaxon's OT and PT appointments, Brennan's schoolwork, and church... But there are things like watching other peoples kids a lot and extra stuff here and there that just have to go for right now. Please pray for me. Pray that God will show me how to politely decline things so I don't let go of the wrong things. Thanks!

My Baby Is Now A Big Boy!!!!

2007-11-03T21:05:00.001-07:00

So, after much research, much debate, and consultation with friends and car seat technicians, we made a decision about taking Jaxon out of his infant carrier. We finally settled on the Cosco Scenera 5-point harness convertible car seat. I called Ian and asked him to stop and pick it up. It's very safe and sooooo reasonable. So Ian went and got it and brought it home. We wanted to try it out so Ian fixed the straps and we put him in it. He instantly looked soooo much older. We'll be putting it in the car tomorrow. Here are some pictures of him trying it out....

It's so sad. He doesn't even look like the same baby! He looks grown up. I know he needed a new car seat but it kills me that he's not in his infant seat anymore. Another milestone hit. He was so excited about his new big boy seat. I was too until we sat him in it. Then I wanted my baby back! He's so freakin' cute! But of course I'm biased. And one more thing before I sign off, for those of you that are super pro- car seat, we will be rear facing for a little while longer at least. It goes up to 35 lbs rear facing so we have a while to decide about switching him to forward facing. It wont be this month that's for sure! Here's to a safe affordable convertible car seat! Love it!!!

Just for fun here's the first time he was ever in his infant seat! Can you see a difference?

Updated Jaxon's Montage

2007-11-03T11:42:00.001-07:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

November is National Prematurity Awareness Month

2007-11-03T08:12:00.001-07:00

November is National Prematurity Awareness Month. That is a picture of my Jaxon in the NICU the day they took him there.

Here is his birth story along with some of his beginning stay at the NICU. I posted this on October 1, 2006 to Jaxon's carepage.

Jaxon Ryker Carpenter was born September 18, 2006 at 6:32 PM. He was born 6 weeks early. I started feeling bad on Saturday and spent the day lying in bed praying that it would stop. Sunday found us with no change in the pain but headed to the hospital. The nurse looked at me decided that I was having contractions and gave me a shot of Terbutaline to stop them. They eased up but they did not stop. So a second shot of the medication came and went with the contractions not easing up. They checked my cervix and since it wasn't changing sent me home. So I came home and went to bed. Monday came and with it the contractions were stronger and coming really close together. So back to the hospital we went. We got to Pioneer Valley Hospital at around noon. They hooked me up to the monitors and saw that I was in a lot of pain. They gave me a shot of the Terbutaline again along with a shot of Morphine and still they weren't stopping and the Morphine wasn't easing the pain. So an hour later they gave me another shot to stop the contractions and after they saw that wasn't working they checked me. My cervix hadn't exactly changed but it had shortened. So they made the decision to go ahead with my c-section that night at 6. About 15 minutes after they came to tell me that they were going to do the c-section I felt a small gush. I told the nurse that I thought my water broke and she looked and said I don’t think so. A few minutes later I felt another bigger gush and said Ok it really has broken. She checked again and sure enough my water had broken. At 6 they came in and did my epidural (it wasn't so bad) and wheeled me back to the waiting room. A few minutes later I was put on a table and strapped down and Ian came in looking pretty spiffy in his gown, hat, and booties. He sat down and held my hand and before I knew it they had begun. At 6:32 Jaxon came out screaming! I started crying immediately because his cry was beautiful. They held him over me for just a second so I could say hi and he was whisked away to be cleaned up and have his apgar test. His first score was 7 and the second was 9. Ian got some pictures and sat back beside me. They finished cleaning him up and they wrapped him up and gave him to Ian. He held him for me to kiss him and see him for just a minute and then they took him out of the OR. Ian stopped by my labor and delivery room so Brennan could get his first (and only so far) peek at his little brother. He fell in love immediately. After they were done with me they wheeled me back into the room to recover and then took me to my regular room for my stay. After several antsy hours I was finally allowed to get out of bed and into a wheel chair to be wheeled to the nursery to see my pumpkin. He was under a head box and doing ok at that point. I went back to my room to rest for the night. I didn't sleep very well because he wasn't in the room with me. I kept worrying about him. At 6 the next morning, the Pediatrician came in to tell me that he was having a hard time breathing and that she had made the decision to transport him to St. Marks NICU. She told the Life flight was prepping him for transport. What that meant was they were putting him on a ventilator and inserting umbilical lines into his umbilical cord as well as an IV. A little while later, the life flight team brought him into my room so I could say goodbye. Within the next few days Jaxon got very sick with pneumonia and ended up with two holes in his lung. He was put back on the ventilator and had two chest tubes put into the side of his chest. He was hooked up to several medications, two antibiotics, a sedative, fats, and IV fluids. He finally turned a corner this week, when they were able to clamp off one of his chest tubes and removed it the next day. Then that same afternoon they clamped off the second chest tube and he came off that the next day. They took him off the ventilator on September 28th. They placed him in a head box that had oxygen running through it constantly. By the end of the night they realized he needed a little extra help and put him on the SiPAP machine, which basically forces air into his lungs. He was on that for like two days. They have been slowly decreasing his sedative so he could finally wake up and move on to the next steps of his process. Yesterday, September 30th they finally started giving him breast milk through an NJ feeding tube that is inserted down his nose and into his stomach. They started out giving him 2 cc’s every 6 hours to see how he would tolerate it. The first feeding came back up the tube but the next few went very well. So well in fact that they started giving him up to 5 cc’s every three hours today. This morning he graduated to a nasal canula. I was so excited!!! I went to the hospital today and spent 2 ½ hours there and got to watch them feed him. I haven’t got to hold him yet and that’s pretty hard but we are making progress. He got to lie on his tummy today for the first time. He’s a little jaundiced and that’s why he has those very cool sunshades on. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers these last two weeks. It has been a long hard road already but we have finally turned a corner. It’s going to be a little while longer at least before Jaxon comes home so I will try my best to update this daily so you all know what’s going on. Thanks again, Denise and Ian.

I rember going to the NICU for the first time. I was so overwhelmed. He was in the Level 3 NICU. That was where they took the really sick babies. I was sooo scared and I just remember looking at his tiny little body and wondering if I'd ever get to hold him. That feeling sucked so much. I was allowed to touch him but they fussed at me for rubbing him at all. You weren't allowed to "stroke" their skin since it irritated preemies. He was hooked up to all these wires and you had to be so careful. There were days I'd go in and just sit there and cry as I stared at him, my arms aching to hold him. I even resented my husband a little since he had gotten to hold him for a few minutes when he was first born. It wasn't his fault I knew that but it was so hard. I can't believe that was over a year ago now. Especially with Jaxon crawling around and cruising furniture now. He's so much fun and such a joy.

My friend Nancy, mommy of a former 25 weeker, is doing something special for National Prematurity month. She is posting about preemies for the entire month. If you want to learn more or even read their incredible story, visit her at Miracles Happen!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-10-31T19:29:00.001-07:00

For More Wordless Wednesday visit 5 minutes for mom.

Happy Halloween!!!

2007-10-31T16:28:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to say Happy Halloween to all of my blogging friends. I will be sharing pictures of my Power Ranger and Turtle later on. This past few days have been so crazy busy. Wednesday I decorated for halloween. Yes, a week before but my house looks cute! Thursday we went to the pumpkin patch with my friend Denise and her kids. Friday I was busy getting everything ready for our squadron Halloween Festival. I was there all day. It went well but I hurt everywhere by the time we got done, cleaned up and locked the doors. Saturday I stayed home but my house was trashed so I took some motrin and cleaned most of the day. Sunday I had a birthday party to go to at the Living Planet Aquarium. After the party, me and Brennan met an old friend and her son at Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. We had fun and ate way too much. Steff and I got to catch up a bit. Her son Riley came and spent the night with us that night.
Monday, Denise, Lyndsi and I took all of our kids plus Riley up to Ogden Canyon and took lots and lots of pictures. They were great! But we were exhausted. So after the photo day we came back to my house, ordered pizza, and played Phase 10. The kids played outside and got all their energy out. Yesterday Denise and I went to walmart and then we came over to my house and got everything ready for dinner, played yahtzee and hung out till Ian got off work. Once he got off work we went over to Denise's house, she cooked and then we watched Transformers on her big screen. That movie was awesome! Today we got up and got B ready for school in his costume. I went directly to the commissary after dropping him off, got groceries, came home and put all the cold stuff away. Then I went to meet Rachiell for brunch. It was good to see her and catch up. We are both so busy these days. Then I came home, put away more of my groceries, did dishes, and got ready to go to Brennan's school for the halloween parade and his class party that I organized. We got through the school parade and the party, but I'm completely exhausted. I really don't want to go out and trick or treat tonight but I can't do that to Brennan so we'll be dressing up shortly and heading out. Speaking of which, TTing starts in 15 minutes here and my kids aren't ready. Gotta run. Be back later with pictures. :)

FYI~ The Golden Compass

2007-10-29T07:39:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone. I was going to post about what things I've been doing in the last 4 days that have kept me so busy that I haven't had the chance to blog. However I got an email this morning from my dear friend Kim and it lit a fire under my bum! Normally I don't get into topics like these on here but this one is seriously disturbing to me. I believe after reading all of the information given to me that I needed to help get the word out about the movie The Golden Compass starring Nicole Kidman that is coming out December 7, 2007. It is written by the author Philip Pullman, who is an athiest. The movie is a "water downed version" of his series of books that are very anti-christian and are focused towards "killing God in children's minds." I am just so appalled at the fact that they would make this a movie at all, let alone one geared toward children. I am so concsious about what my children watch on tv that they aren't allowed to even watch some Nickelodeon shows. Unsuspecting parents will be taking their children to the movies thinking that this gonna be a good kids movie and it's going to be putting athiest beliefs into their heads. It just blows my mind on so many different levels here! I for one will not be allowing my children to see this movie and I'm going try to let as many parents I can know exactly what it is that they will be walking into this Christmas season. I checked this out on Snopes.com and it is very much true. Click on that link and it will take you straight to the article. I am a firm believer that knowledge is a good weapon against these types of situations so that is why I'm writing about it here. Read the article for yourself and make your own decision but I know mine has already been made. Wishing you all the best!

Beautiful Christmas Card Contest~~~ I want it!

2007-10-25T07:44:00.001-07:00

So I just saw that Not China Made is having a contest where you can win $25 toward your choice of Christmas card at Card My Christmas! These cards are simply amazing! Love each and every one! Go Check them out!

There are several I would purchase but I think this one says everything so simply! It is my favorite. It's beautiful!

Enter the contest!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-10-23T22:36:00.001-07:00

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 minutes for mom.

Good Mail Pals

2007-10-23T15:30:00.001-07:00

Ok so while I was down and out fighting the horrible depression over the last few months I had a few very uplifting things happen. One is that my good mail pals didn't forget about me and they kept sending me cards and things to brighten my day. And they really did. It was always so nice to go to the mail box, especially after a particularly crazy day where I just wanted to stay in bed and not get up EVER, and finding a note saying thinking of you was very refreshing. I'm so sorry that I haven't been a very good good mail pal lately but I promise now that my meds have kicked in and life is so much brighter I will be back to sending out goodies.

I especially want to thank Kayelyn for not giving up on me. You made me smile and knowing that you cared that much about me made me want to get better. I so appreciate you checking on me and still checking my blog all the time. It means sooo much to me. Thank YOU and a big HUG!!!

Love, Denise

Blissful Life Got Sassy

2007-10-23T15:25:00.001-07:00

I am totally diggin' my new blog "do"!!! LOL I just finished uploading and rearranging everything. I'm still not entirely done but if I don't cook dinner my husband and children will not be happy with me! So tell me what you think about the new "do"! I can't wait to hear to hear what you think. Denise

PS I can't take credit for the layout... that belongs solely to Free Blogger Skins.... Their link is under credits.

7th Wedding Anniversary

2007-10-21T09:14:00.001-07:00

Today is a special day for me and Ian. 7 years ago today we drove to Folly Beach, SC and got married on the pier. It was night time and it was beautiful. It was a simple ceremony. We only invited two people. I can't believe it's been 7 years. It's been a rough road. Shortly after we became husband and wife, we became parents. In that one year so much happened to us. We got married, had a baby and shortly there after September 11th happened. Ian was deployed and I spent our first anniversary with our son. When he finally came home it was hard to get back to the "normal" that we knew. I had gotten very independent while he was gone. I kept myself and Brennan busy so that I wouldn't sit at home and watch CNN all day long. Seven years later and so much has happened. For one thing we have another baby. Second we live in Utah now. There are several other things but those are the two most important.

This morning I got up and made french toast for our family. It was a nice family breakfast. We aren't doing anything major this year to celebrate except that after Ian gets off work tonight we'll have dinner, watch some tv and maybe play a game, tuck our kiddos into bed and reminisce about how we got here. Sounds like a pretty good anniversary to me.

Ian, honey, I love you so much and I'm so happy that you are my husband. I love our life together and though we've had major ups and downs we are still strong. I can't wait to see what life has in store for us next!

It's Snowing Outside

2007-10-20T16:48:00.001-07:00

That's what I heard a short while ago from Brennan as he ran to the big window to watch the snow. The Disney Channel and snack abandoned. I sat there for a while just watching him watch the snow. There was such delight there. I was so upset when I first realized it was going to snow today. I'm not one for cold weather let alone slushy mess to walk and drive through. But as I watched him staring out the window at the snow I realized that I needed to stop being upset and enjoy watching the beautiful snow fall. I realize this sounds all mushy and stuff but I miss being a child with all that wonder. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of it and it brings me back to all the fun and wonder of being a child and praying for snow. Of course we rarely got snow in South Carolina but here it's different. The first year we were here and it snowed I was totally amazed. I hope that I can keep that wonder and awe in the future. It was priceless and I wanted to capture that moment. Brennan has now told me all about how snow is made and what it is. It's priceless. I love being a mom and getting to experience these amazing moments with my children. I can't wait for the day that Jaxon gets what snow is too. Thanks for letting me share.

Happy First Birthday Jaxon!!!

2007-09-18T09:08:00.001-07:00

I don't even know how to start this... Happy Birthday to my sweet wonderful boy, Jaxon Ryker. I love you so much. You have brought so much joy to our lives. Watching you fight and grow and learn over this last year has just been amazing. You taught me so much that I thought I knew but really I didn't. Looking at your happy little face every day and I pray that the wonder and curiousity and the way you love people never diminishes. Everyone who meets you loves you instantly. You just have that way about you. You are amazing and I love you more than you will ever know. Keep on teaching me new things everyday. We'll learn together. Love, Mommy

So it's been a while....

2007-09-03T13:30:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone. It's been a while. I can't believe it's September already. There's been a lot going on. Actually, to be completely honest, I've been having a really hard time lately. This year has been rough to say the least and I thought I was handling it well and I was until all of a sudden I just wasn't. Does that make sense? I have, unfortunately, fought depression since I was a teenager. It's also a terrible side effect of fibromyalgia. Of course I always managed to overcome these rough times. This time I wasn't doing so well. I stopped getting online, stopped calling people, and I was tired all the time. The only things I did were take care of my kids. I mean I did do other stuff here and there but the majority of my time was spent at home, in pajamas. I have decided that I've got to get out of this funk. I tried to call my doctor several times last week to schedule an appointment to discuss some temporary medication but the idiots never called me back. Don't think that I won't be giving them an earful when I do get someone to call me back. If nothing else I will go up there in person. Anyway, I'm finally ready to stop wallowing. Don't ask why I let myself get down like this. It wasn't anyone person, or thing that happened, it just sort of took hold before I knew it. My new focus is going to be getting in exercise everyday (I've already started, I'll explain soon) and getting out in the sunshine daily. I am going to see my doctor and discuss the meds but I'm hoping that I will start feeling better from the natural sertonin made from getting outside in the sun and getting my heartrate up. Wish me luck. I hate the thought of being on more medication.

What has been going on in the last few weeks? Well one thing as you know I turned 27 and I had a fabulous time doing it. Here are a few pictures from my birthday dinner...On the way to OG with Jennifer, Kim, and Stacey. Jennifer was the designated driver!

My Raspberry Margarita.... It was soo yummy! Not a great picture but I was fixing to take a drink when Leanne took the picture. :)

From left to right here are me and my girls.... Jennifer, Stacey, Leanne, the waiter Scott (I think his name was and according to Rachiell he was "FAMILY!"), ME, Kim, and Rachiell. We were all wearing lei's that night and of course mine was pink! I thought we were all very cute! It was a great night and so much fun to turn 27 with these amazing ladies who love me. I love you guys so much! I'll never forget this night!

About a week later Ian and I got over night sitters for the kids (Jaxon went to Jennifer's and Brennan went to Rachiell's) which we NEVER do. EVER! It was kind of hard not to call the whole night off and stay close to my babies. But we did go. It was HILARIOUS. We went to Ian's friend Kris's house and I learned to play asshole. It's a drinking card game and let's just say it was so freaking funny. In the game of asshole you have "ranks" and the person who goes out first is the President and the pres makes up a rule at the beginning of the game and they have to abide by it. Then it goes by who goes out next and so on. The last person to go out is the "asshole" and they have to wear a silly hat. However this person becomes the dealer and while they are dealing they can make people drink as much as they want. It was so funny. Here are some pics from that night:Ok it's a blury picture but I was the first asshole... I looked pretty funny with that hat.

Kris was the second asshole...

Jenni was the 3rd...

Staci was the 4th..

Ian was the 4th... (he and Lynn were quite wasted...) can you tell?

Ok so as the president you make up funny rules that people have to do if they do stuff like throw face cards or whatever and it was totally torture the guys night this night so every rule we three girls made as president we never had to do but the guys did. So here is Kris acting like an elephant, Ian was a penguin I think but he could barely stand up, and Lynn was playing with his nipples and supposed to be dancing... it got interesting.

Here is a picture of me and Jenni. I think it turned out very cute.

So the next item I have for you... Sorry this is so long but I just have so much to say and I'm afraid I'll forget it all. This is OUR HUGE NEWS! My Baby is CRAWLING!!!! So last Tuesday we had our IFSP meeting for EI and after Lisa left I put Jaxon down for his nap. When he got up he was kind of fussy so I was holding him but suddenly he didn't want that. I put him down on the ground and Brennan was sitting by the computer and he crawled to him! I was so freaking excited. So about that time Rachiell got here with the boys so she helped me get it on tape. Here is the video:

So then we come to Wednesday of this week. August 29th.... My baby became a first grader!!! He is so grown up and it's killing me. He even learned to tie his own shoes before he started school. I bought him new shoes on Tuesday and that night he learned to tie them. Wednesday he was a different kid. He wasn't a baby anymore. Here are some pics from that morning...

Tying his new sketchers... Fixing to walk to school on the first day....

Showing off his new Super Hero tshirt and bookbag....

Standing in his first grade class line for the very first time....

This was a hard day for me. He was starting real school and was going to be gone all day long. I was so proud of him. He was so excited and couldn't wait to see what first grade was gonna bring him. When they started to walk into the building he looked a little worried so I grabbed his hand and walked him to class. I watched from the door as he went in and took his seat, tears streaming down my face. I missed this last year as on his first day of kindergarten Ian has surgery on both legs in a hospital 45 minutes from where we live so my friend had to take him to school. So when his teacher shut the door I looked in the window for another minute and walked out of the school to where Ian was waiting with Jaxon. I'm so glad he left work at the last minute to be with us that day. We walked home hand in hand amazed that our Brennan was no longer a baby. He finished his first week (it was a short week only three days and they got out at 1:30 each day) so excited. He's already bringing home papers that he did in class, already making new friends, and loving the fact that he got to each school lunch. I wanted him to take his lunch but he said no. He wanted to buy it. He's already so independent. I pray that there is never a day that he doesn't need me at all. After I take him to school I take Jaxon on a walk through housing. It has lots of hills and it gives me a chance to reenergize before heading home and starting my day. Jaxon loves going for those walks.

Well I better go for now as I've written a novel and if you read all of it I thank you. I've missed my blogging friends and I promise to do better. HUGS!

MIA

2007-08-20T09:21:00.001-07:00

Ok so I've been MIA. I've had a lot of stuff going on. I can't believe that it's been so long myself. First Jaxon has gotten better! Thank goodness. He is doing well. We are in the middle of getting Brennan ready for school. They start next week. Buying all this stuff they need before school is crazy expensive. I wish someone would have warned me! LOL.

Anyway I've been babysitting a lot lately. I always have extra kids over here. They keep Brennan occupied. Boy am I looking forward to school starting though! Just a little while longer!

My birthday was a blast. I had so much fun. Jennifer, Kim, Stacey, Rachiell and Leanne all went out to dinner with me to Olive Garden. We wore lei's and everyone kept asking us why we wore them. I got a beautiful italian charm bracelet from Rachiell. Stacey got me a pretty candle and stuck a Happy Birthday sign in my yard. It was very cute. Jennifer gave me beautiful roses. They are just about dead now and unfortunately I didn't get a chance to take a picture of them. It was soo much fun. We laughed, and had this crazy waiter. We ate and drank and it was just a really great time. I will post pictures on another blog of my birthday because it wont let me add anymore to this one. ;)

Ian had taken me out to dinner the night before that to Texas Roadhouse. We had so much fun. It was yummy!!! It was a very nice "date" with my husband. :) I love you honey!

Me and Ian before dinner

Ian and I in the car on the way to Texas Roadhouse

When I left off the last time we were going to do something with our squadron. Well we went to Lagoon (it's an amusement park here). Ian and I had never been before that day. We had a blast and were totally shocked that my 6 year old, Brennan rode all the rides that his daddy rode. Including the Wicked. This thing is one of those with the track underneath you and it looks like it's hardly on the track at all. It shoots you straight up into the air and right back down. It looks something like this _I_ I'm totally serious. I'll have to post a picture of it. It was amazing. I was so proud of him. I thought for sure he'd never want to ride another ride there but he did. He went on all the roller coasters including the ones that go upside down. We got these bounce back passes so that we can go back for only $7.50 anytime between now and the end of the month. Ian and I are going to make it a date and go by ourselves with no kids.

Brennan and Ian on the Bat
Me and Brennan on the Bat

The Wicked

So today I had a meeting with the Commander and First Sergeant of our squadron and I have been appointed as the Keyspouse. I am very excited about this. Basically I'm just a point of contact for families in the squadron but there are more tasks to it than just that. I'm so honored that they picked and asked me to do this.

Well that's it for now. I'll be posting the pics from my birthday soon. :)

Catch Up

2007-08-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

Well, Jaxon is FINALLY getting better. He's such a happier baby with the augmentin in him. Life has been rather difficult this week when you get no sleep. But he's finally back to playing and eating and NOT screaming all the time.

I think my equilibrium is off or something because everytime I turn around I'm hurting myself. First it was the burn, then I burnt my hand again, then I slipped getting into the shower and have this HUGE bruise on my leg (it's bigger than a baseball), and then yesterday I was checking my mail across the street with Jaxon in my arms and I was walking back home and the next thing I knew was that we were on the ground. I don't know how we ended up on the ground but we sure did. So I'm all scrapped up. I guess I managed to shield Jaxon because he is perfectly fine. No marks whatsoever. I'm starting to get worried about all this stuff. Maybe it's another side effect of the fibromyalgia that I didn't realize. Goodness knows that I find out a new one regularly. It's been 4 years since I was diagnosed and every time I think I get it "managed" since there is no cure for it something else pops up. Some other symptom or pain. I'll be 27 on Saturday and I swear I think that I'm already falling apart.

Anyway I better run cause we have a very fun squadron function today and I have to get me and the boys ready to go before Ian gets back home. He had to go into work for an hour before we all go. I'll be posting about it hopefully with pictures when we get back. Have a great day! :0)

Early Intervention... Again

2007-08-06T09:24:00.001-07:00

Well even though Jaxon is sick I still took him to his EI evaluation today. It's so hard to get an appointment time with them and it's been rescheduled 3 times already. So anyway, We went and we had a good visit and Jaxon even sick is completely a ham. The antibiotics are already working because he was just so excited and loved all the cool toys they gave him to play with. After an hour they did all the paperwork and informed him that we qualify for PT (physical Therapy) because his gross motor skills are borderline. He is at his adjusted age (9 months) for everything else like fine motor skills, social, problem solving and such. His gross motor was assessed at 7 months. Also, one of the ladies looked at him right when we got there and asked if we ever noticed his feet? I said well yeah I look at his feet all the time. She pointed out that his second toe on both feet was the shortest toe he has when it should be the second longest. She said that it can be indicative that something else is going on sometimes. I guess we will just have to wait that one out and see. Anyway I don't know whether to be happy that he's getting the help he needs or cry because he needs help. I know it's silly but I'm having mixed emotions. Out therapist will be calling soon to see him before we set up his IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan). Anyway, we are home now and he's napping. I'm going to find something to eat. I think I hear the pop tarts calling my name! :)

Weekend Reflection...

2007-08-05T20:37:00.001-07:00

This week as just been awful. I know I've had several posts this week about my sick baby but seriously like that's all I've done this week. Monday I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, Tuesday I got to grocery shop, Wednesday I can't remember what I did, Thursday lunch with my friend from Guam and then Jaxon got super sick so off to Wee Care we went. Friday home with my sick baby. Saturday home with my sick baby, although I did clean Brennan's room really well and rearranged it. Today home with my sick baby except for taking him to Wee Care again. Only this time we got two other diagnoses (is that right? I don't know) He has a double ear infection and "possible" pneumonia. OH joy let me tell you much fun it's been this week. Sorry that's all I can really say right now. Not a great week. I hope this week is MUCH better because goodness knows I may go stir crazy. Hope everyone has had a good week. HUGS!

Birthday Help Please!!!

2007-08-04T19:16:00.001-07:00

That's right. My sweet angel baby is getting ready to turn the big O-N-E next month. That's right NEXT month (OMG I so didn't realize that it was actually next month until just now.) Ian and I have decided that despite the fact that we aren't "home" (Charleston, SC or Waterford, MI) where our families are, that we are going through the biggest first birthday party we can. We want to celebrate our little miracle baby. Last year at this time I was getting ready to have my baby shower (it was on August 5th) and had no idea that in just a little over a month he'd come join our family. It was such a rough start, the day to day not knowing if the next time the doctor called it would be worse than the one before, or not knowing what they were going to tell me when I walked into the NICU everyday. I prayed daily for them to tell me I'd get to hold him. I prayed constantly that he'd make it. Anyway, I'm getting side tracked and all teary eyed. The point to my blog today is that Ian and I can't make a decision on Jaxon's birthday theme. We've been going back and forth sooo much and since I just realized how close it was I need to get a move on ordering the stuff for his party. So please help us decide which theme to go with. Here are the ones we are thinking of:

Ian wants this one: John Deere

I am so not about the tractor deal. I love my farm boy husband and all but this as a first birthday theme is just not my pick. So here are the ones I like:

Baby Einstein, Little Boy 1, Lil Prince, and Safari Babies.

Ok so there are the ones we can't agree on. If you'd like to look at the rest of the collections you can click here for 1stwishes. Please let me know your opinion because my babies birthday will come and go before Ian and I are able to agree! :) Thanks!

Ok So Maybe It was....

2007-08-03T20:13:00.001-07:00

Well Jaxon still has a rash but we haven't had anymore fever today. He was still crabby. I think it was the combination of roseola and teething because this morning I felt around in his mouth and sure enough he's cut his third tooth. So maybe it's just a sucky week for him. I sure hope he feels better soon. But I did get some good cuddle time with him today. We layed on the couch and he slept on my tummy for a long time. He's never done that ever. He's only ever wanted to sleep in his bed. Not that I'm complaining about that but I like to hold him and listen to him breathe and such. Anyway, thanks for everyone's well wishes. I'm sure he's going to be better in just a couple of days. It's much appreciated. :)

It Wasn't Teething! :(

2007-08-02T20:04:00.001-07:00

So after five long days of extreme crabbiness, fever of 102 and below (yes this is normal temp for him teething too!), runny nose and congestion and me thinking it was teething hell, I find out that it's not. Today being the crappy day that it was had a baby with all of the above symptoms but then he decided to add projectile vomiting. Oh yes boy was that pleasant! I put him in his jumperoo and as soon as I did he puked and it covered the jumperoo, the floor underneath him, the carpet all around him, me and the kitchen tile in the next room. NO I'm not exaggerating either. It was awful. So I grab him, take him out of his clothes, clean him up and change his diaper. I decided I would put him in his swing in his room with a blanket so he could rest for a bit listening to the music while I cleaned up the mess. So I did that. I grab my 2nd Harry Potter book and walk into his room. I decided I was going to sit in his room while he rested in swing and read. So I'm reading and he's resting and I look over at him and he smiles at me, but something isn't right. So I look closer at him and think it's too dark in here I'm seeing things. I turn on the bedroom light and lo and behold he's COVERED head to toe in a rash! Just that quick. I was just floored. He's never had a rash before. So after a call to his pediatrician, we are out the door to Wee Care. We get right in and after he's weighed (17 lbs 7 oz) the doc comes in and examines him. He says well the good news is it's nothing serious. The bad news is we cant' do anything for it. I was like what is it? He says it's Roseola. He said the rash should be the end of it and he should be getting better soon and that we shouldn't have any more fever from it. Unfortunately that still leaves me with a very miserable little guy! And that miserable guy is now crying in his crib. I hope baby tylenol and some cuddles from Mommy will make him feel a little better! Wish me luck!